Zero self esteem. hate my body, feel like shit...

[Janos]

Copied from Relationships so if it look sfamilar that's why.

Not quite sure if this is the right place to put this but I figure it is affecting my relationship so why not. Apols if this sounds very shallow and self absorbed. I have had mental health problems before (quite severe) and have had some 'issues' with men so don't know if that is affecting/colouring my views.

Essentially, my confidence in how I look and my body is so low at the moment, to the point of being..well, I think there's something wrong.

I look in the mirror and just think my body looks absolutely repulsive and makes me feel sick

I can't imagine how on earth my DP finds me attractive. I just want to hide away in plain baggy clothes.

This is also manifesting somewhat pathetically as feeling jealous and worried that he fancies other women who look betrter than me which at the minute I think is just about everyone.

What made me think "get a grip woman"..we were watching TV and he commented on how nice one of the women looked (as in, you know, sexy). This resulted in me bursting into tears and running into the bedroom (he was completely bewildered). Believe me I KNOW how ridiculous and childish this is.

I don't know where this has come from and I don't want to be like this.

I am taking steps...trying to lose weight and forcing myself to exercise (I'm not a natural exerciser!). It works for a bit and then I catch sight of my body (cellulite, stretchmarks etc) and it all rushes.

I just feel old, unlovely, flabby and unattractive. I never used to feel this bad about my body, even when I was bigger.

What can I do to get out of this mindset?

Thanks for any advice.

Janos don't want you're post to go ignored. Do you feel deeply unhappy about everything as in a generalised depression or would you say its very concentrated on how you feel about yourself? If the latter, maybe its something called body dysmorphia whereby you view you're body as absolutely disgusting and you scrutinise every lump and bump. I would speak to your gp about geting some counselling, explain to DP how you feel, be honest and ask him to bare with you and try to be sensitive, all the best hope it gets sorted.

Thanks for your kind response itsMYmummy.

This feels like a 'shallow' thing to complain about but it is focussed mainly on my appearance.

I've never been skinny but used to have confidence in how I looked. Now that's completely gone.

Think I do need to see docs.

Might add DP has done nothing to make me feel bad bout myself..in fact he is very affectionate and loving generally. baby it is body dysmorphia? I don't know though sometimes I think I look 'ok'.

Sorry should be maybe...typos!!

This sounds just like me, I am always getting ticked off on here for putting myself down.

I am totally repulsed by myself, I don't really worry about do fancying other women as I know he adores me and it is not in his nature to cheat but I am beweildered as to why a handsome man like do would look twice at me.

I have a history of serious mental health problems and have lots of childhood and men issues, IMO it is all linked.

I have had counselling but not for this in particular. I do spend hours agonising over my lumps, bumps, blemishes etc and have periods where I cannot go out as I am too ashamed.

Feel free to CAT me.

Everyone has 'fat', or 'rough' days do you think its more than that though?

I often think I am being shallow by being focussed on my appearance. I also think if I hate myself so much why don;t I loose weight or do something but like you I get lost in my own depair.

I have been getting a lot better though and dp has been a huge part of that, as has mumsnet actually. I even now have pictures of me on facebook and on here.

Twinset and pearls, altough i've never responded to any of the threads you've been on , i've read a lot, (lurked)

And for what its worth I think you are stunning! and extremely charismatic...

ThanksitMYmummy have never been called charismatic before !

I am starting to realise that what is wrong with me is in my head and not the way I look. I have started trying to see what is good about me, so I have nice eyes, shiny hair and good boobs rather than trying to change my body.

this probably sounds daft, but if you go to a mirror and stretch and concentrate on pulling your shoulders back it make you feel a whole lot better.

hold yourself high!

For me I found that a lot of my own self esteem issues have started to resolve themselves with age, i'm almost 30 and suddenly I feel a lot more confident with how I look, I've started as you to work with, and celebrate my strong points rather than focus on my bad points. I've also started to dress more classically to suit my body shape, and not whats dictated to us by the media as 'fashionable'.

Janos when you have those days when you look in the mirror and think 'hmm, i don't look half bad', what would you say were you're best features?

I wonder if your self esteem gets better with age or of everyone else starts to look shit so it bothers you less

I am not helping.

Probably a bit of both

I think you just become a bit more realistic, i'am 5'8, 12-14, 34ff, black hair green eyes. There is no point in me trying to dress like kate moss or whaserface miller.

Thank you twinset I will CAT you later..had to rush off to bed as early start with DS.

Didn't want you all to think I was ignoring posts, thank you.

"I wonder if your self esteem gets better with age or of everyone else starts to look shit so it bothers you less grin"

LOL