I don't want to go to dh's x-mas meal (work), food phobia, what should i do?

[Marne]

Hi i hope someone can help, i feel a bit about this silly problem.

I love food and i eat as much as most people but i can not eat infront of people i do not know well. My throat clams up and i feel sick. I think its because as a child i was a messy eater, my brother would take the mic out of me whenever i ate infront of him, my mother wasn't much better and would tell people how messy i was and show them me eating. I have always felt people are watching me eat.

Last year i went to dh's x-mas meal with his work, i ate the starter but then struggled to eat much more, i felt upset as his boss had payed alot of money for a lovely meal which i couldn't eat.

This year i realy don't want to go but dh doesn't want to go on his own (he will still go).

Has anyone else got a simalar problem?
How do i get over it and enjoy eating out?

I hate eating out and have never been to any 'do'. DH never goes either.
Counselling maybe but probably not in time for this year!

It's unlikely your DH's boss noticed you didn't eat much. That being said, if you're not happy, it doesn't sound like fun.

Given the meal is probably pretty soon, maybe your DH could go on his own, but you could try to fix the problem for next year?

You could try counselling, slow exposure (eating in more and more public places, slow build up?), hypnotherapy - there are lots of options ...

Dh isn't being very understanding. Last year i was sat next to his boss which didn't help. I always try to sit at the end of the table so i'm sat next to less people.

I think NQC is probably right that no-one would notice what you ate. Most people are probably too wound up with their own nerves in this kind of social situation and end up drinking too much, telling the boss what they think of them etc. It must be quite unpleasant for you though, and worrying about it before hand is probably as bad as the actual event. I think it's quite a common phobia actually. I know a couple of people who experience similar feelings. I think it's a good suggestion to try to aim for feeling better about it by next year. Could you bargain with DH that you don't go this year but you promise you'll try to do something about it for next year?

Could you go this year and take the pressure off yourself by saying something to DH's boss beforehand?
Perhaps something like you are under the weather and have no appetite so can you just have a salad etc instead? and then you can pick at it.

Then a good idea to have counselling in time for later meals out!

Please please please still go, and try to have a good time. Even if you don't want to eat, still go and enjoy the conversation. If you start avoiding these sorts of situations, the problem can "grow".

Instead of worrying about the food, change the focus in your mind - try to focus on enjoying the atmosphere, or whatever aspect you are likely to enjoy the most.

You can get help for this - hypnotherapy would be a good starting point for this...
Good luck
BTW, hypnotherapy can be quite quick, so there is still time, but only do it if this is something you truly want to fix, not something that you feel pressured into doing.

I understand how you feel
My phobia is slightly different, I hate the works do beacuse I hate to feel hemmed in, I like to sit on the end not in the middle of a long row. I like to know where the loo is and be bale to get out quick in case I go hot and funny
I think it stems from being pregnant and going hot and funny a lot and feeling faint and needing the loo a lot.

I wouldn't go - the very act of making a firm decision would take the immediate pressure off, and mean you wouldn't be getting wound up at the thought of going, or upset because of the waste of money.

What I would do, though, is make sure that I got it sorted out for next year. See the GP, ask for cognitive behavioural therapy, maybe even get the hypnotherapy someone else mentioned. Promise yourself and your dh that next year you will be there, eating and enjoying your food, and having a good time.

Marne, I just had a sneaky look at your profile page - (I almost never do that), and I noticed you are a chef! You must love food.
Please try and get some help

Thankyou for your advice.

Yes i am a chef and i love eating and cooking food which makes it seem even more odd.

I would like to go with dh as we rarely go out together.

Well, being a Chef gives you an excuse to not eat " I have been cooking all day, so can't face food", or whatever.
Btw, I trained as a hypnotherapist and honestly these sort of things can be sorted out. If you want it to be. But in the meantime - go! Focus on something else (like the conversation) to enjoy, give excuses about food to take the pressure off.

tricky one. perhaps prepare an excuse in advance (recovering from food poisoning, etc)

I think that you do get judged on these occasions but not on how much you eat - much more on your looks/listening/conversation skills.