I think I might be depressed...or traumatised

[mamadiva]

I feel so down at the moment and I won't go into it but given recent news stories I honestly feel as if I am useless!

My son is 2.5 and I work about 48 hours a week so he goes to nursery 3 full days and I never have the energy to do anything with him when he's with me, I feel so terrible about this and I know this is daft but I feela s though I need a good kick up the arse to make myself happya gain and look after my kid properly I really want to do more with him and as I sadi given recent news stories it has made me more aware of the fact that I think I am mistreating my son, Im not saying I hurt him or anything like that I would never do that but i feela s though I am wasting precious time I should be spending with him being tired and doing housework.

I meant to say there though am in no way comparing me and my son with the case but after reading it has made me so much more aware of how much I love my son and that he needs his mum to get her life together.

Does that make sense or am I coming over as a total arse wipe?

i think you are what you said in your title. Depressed mainly, overwhelmed, and worn out?

Sometimes it helps to speak to your gp, and get the depressed side sorted out first before tackling anything.

Just sharing here how you feel is such an unburdening too. I think alot of people are feeling very sad, and very distressed about all sorts of things at the moment.
news, economic climate, xmas, winter, cold.

I should think your lack of energy is all that it is, lack of energy, it's not your lack of love or lack of wanting to do stuff.

I think it os but I've always put up this fronyt that I am not depressed and am happy but the truth is I'm not...

I've nevr been particularly maternal I always said I didnt want kids but when I got pg I was happy enough and I love my son more than anything in this word I do but I never had the whole rush of love thjing when he was born and thats always worried me.

I dont even know why Im saying this now, it's just I'm the strong in our family there has been alot going on and Ive been the one keeping it together for everyone.

how are you today?

It might be worth going to your gp, and getting some counseeling? I have done in the past ans whilst daunting it can help.

I have no exp of it but perhaps you had/have PND? Maybe see if there are any others on threads who have advice?

hi you two
can i wander in?

wondered the same as piratecat, might be pnd that's been sitting there for ages and just grinding you down.
The 'pretending' bit is a huge part of pnd, don't know whether other sorts (if that's the right word) of depression work like this.
From your title and op I'd also think it's well worth a trip to the GP. Is there a dr you can talk to more easily than the others?

Just bumping this for you to say I never had a "rush of love" until months down the line. I think your struggles are what many of us face on a day to day basis. Don't feel guilty or bad but try to do something about it one small step at a time.

Mamadiva i know exactly where you are coming from, my ds2 is 2.4 and i work full time and this week i have just felt so shitty and guilty, and the news has had me like a blubbering mess, i keep just wanting to go home and hug my ds everytime i hear about it.

If your a total arse wipe then i am too, its got my emotionals all over the place

Thanks for all your replies, I think I will go to my GP next week but I have never met any of the doctors as we havent lived here long but maybe that will make it easier.

Sometimes I feel really happy other times I'm really down is that normal? I've never thougt it was depression before because of that but now I'm thinking maybe it could be as I know that hiding things even from yourself happens alot with it.

if you start to feel and think it might be depression, it probably is imo. I was about 23 when i was diagnosed, having spent most of those years wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

A fresh start, new gp. Go in and explain all you can, or write a few key points down on a bit of paper.

Not trying to be dismissive of all you feel tho, it is a very dark, gloomy time of year, and everyone i know, depression, pnd, or not, is feeling very low atm. crushwitheyeliner got it right, it's those normal everyday struggles, and you've not to be down on yourself. those everyday struggles are monumental if you have depression.

does sound quite like it imho. I'm still being treated for pnd and almost 3yrs down the line. Sometimes I'm fine, enjoy my kids, do nice things with them; other times i just want to hide in a black hole and be invisible, everyone would be better off without me etc etc. All part of it.
And yes the news stuff does magnify it all. None of us are anywhere near knowing these children but I think we place a lot of the situation in our own minds, on to our own children and start the whole mad "what-iffing" thing. Thing is, if you're feeling depressed, then any stick to bash yourself with is fine and we'll grab it straight away.
Try giving yourself a little bit of 'me' time, then you can recharge your batteries and give your little one the benefit of it [erm yes one day I'll take my own advice as well] Being tired aggravates it to a hideous extent to the point where you really feel like shite from every aspect.
One thing I have done tho - cut down the working hours to whatever will work with the finances. I cut one day of work and thus one day of childcare. And it works