Anyone with experience of alcoholism - help me understand

[LaTrucha]

PLEASE!

I'm going to keep this as brief as I can, otherwise I could be here all year.

My two brothers and I one month ago watched our mother die of alcoholic liver failure. One of these brothers is an alcoholic himself.

He has been off work sick with it on and off for the last two and a half years. Work have been incredibly supportive. However, he is on his last chance as he is on the half pay that you get to at a certain point with sick pay.

Two days ago he had an appointment with work's occupational health advisor. We think it's the meeting that will decide whether he is fired or not.

He has not been drinking recently and has been living with our father to try and get back on track.

He did not tell them he is going to AA-style support meetings, or any of the other steps he has tentativley taken. When asked what had changed he just said 'I'm feeling better'. He seems to believe they don't know he's an alcoholic but this is impossible (colleagues have spoken to me and other family members about it). The advisor said he could smell drink on him. He hadn't had a drink that day, he said but he had had one the night before (which proves he really doesn't think they know).

It transpires that as soon as he left my dad's he drank on the train there, that night and on the train back.

My question is, and it is a sympathetic one borne out of genuine bafflement.

What is going through his mind when he decides to take a drink?

HE's going to lose his job, he's seen his mum die horribly, he's been months without drinking. What is going through his mind.

ANY enlightenment gratefully received.

I am sympathetic although really upset right now.

.

I think that the addiction 'overtakes' any rationale thinking.

I have worked with drug and alcohol addicts recently- depressing really, the addiction completly takes over.

Sorry- forgot to add, my brother is/was (still unsure whether he is clean) a drug addict. My mom was/is alcoholic (dont see her often enough to know if she is clean also), so i understand your need to know why they continue. I wish i knew.

He has an addiction, and its all he thinks about. Whether hes thinking I mustn't OR where can I get a drink from...or something inbetween.
And the thing about drinking, is once you have had a LITTLE to drink, all the thoughts you had whilst you were sober about not having any/only having a small one go out the window and you wake up the next day next to an empty bottle.

As Tiredemma says, it's an addiction, it controls him currently.
I suspect he tries not to do it, then he does, then he feels weak and worthless and the whole cycle continues
Alcohol truely f**s people up.
You know what it's like having watched your mum go through it all, and I suspect you can't really believe it is all going to keep on happening with your brother.
Your brother probably had the genetic tendency plus the behavioural stuff from your mum. And it sounds like only he was affected.
Sympathies
My DB was an alcoholic and died last year of a brain haemorrage following a fall during a binge.
He was 32, married, working, but unable to stop each binge, and I'm sure things were going to start getting hard for him, ie losing his job and his wife etc.
I tried to just take the good stuff, the sober stuff and ignore the binges, and tried not to try to fix it all( am eldest so usually try to fix them all)
We enjoyed the last few years as friends and for that I am grateful, but I miss him.

DO you think he's sitting on the sofa at my dad's thinking, 'when can I get away to have a drink?'?

The thing is, I can understand why my Mum drank but I cannot conceive of why my brother isn't running scared. He just blames our mum (and our dad to a certain extent). It's a big fat excuse I know, because my other brother and I are not drinkers.

Ok. I IN FACT know that it just overtakes him and that you're right. I would just really like to know what goes on in THAT moment.

That's an interesting question. I hope someone tells you.

There is a thread called 'support thread for the partners of addicts' (drug & alcohol) - I don't know how to link the thread to this conversation. If you have the time, try to read it all because you will find lots of love and support, and you won't feel alone. That is where 'our survival stories and our recovery' has been documented.

I can very briefly answer your questions as follows....

Alcoholism is a complex, threefold sickness which is mental, physical & spiritual - it is a disease that cannot be cured, but it can be 'arrested'.

Alcoholics are likely to be sensitive and emotionally immature, excessive in their demands on themselves as well as on others. When they fail to live up to their own standards, they escape from reality by drinking; a compulsion so powerful that not even the threat of death or insanity seems to break it. One drink sets up an uncontrollable craving that only more drinking can appease.

The Al Anon Family Group (this is NOT to be confused with Alcoholics Anonymous!) is for anyone who has been affected by the drinking habits of others - they can be contacted on 020 7403 0888 (10-4pm) or via website:
www.al-anonuk.org.uk

I cannot praise Al Anon enough because it has saved me & my DD.

I wish you all the best of luck.

SSx

I echo secretsquirrel, a well-written summary.
Al-Anon is fantastic.They won't tell you how to stop the alcoholic from drinking - thats a decision only the drinker can make - but they will show you how to cope DESPITE the drinking and offer a support that only fellow sufferers can.
My dad died 10 yrs ago this christmas, aged 56, from alcoholic myopathy (enlarged heart). Without Al-Anon, the rage and regret would have taken me down with him. Instead I can look on him with compassion as a very sick man with a terrible disease which, sadly, tainted all the family.
If you want to chat let me know.

Thankyou very much for your replies.

Secretsquirrel - I will have a look at the thread. Thanks.

Aphrodite - thanks for the offer. I just can't believe that JUST after Mum's sad story coming to an end we're in the middle of another one with my brother. I (I think, though I'm prepared for it to strike) got over being angry with Mum. I am bloody furious with my brother - although I haven't sadi as much. He's probably getting the flak from my feelings about mum.

Do you have to have a local group of Al-anon?