Nothing really bad going on, just feeling down.

[Ylang]

Been feeling really down this week and tonight feeling worse. Feel that in each aspect of my life I'm just not doing enough, and yet don't feel I can give any more. What ever I do I feel not good enough and crappy.

Compared to other people I have a good life but I still feel bad. Sorry to moan but would just like to talk to someone.

are you ok? Whats going so wrong atm? I dont mind listening

Hi Ylang. Sorry to hear this. Is there something in particular that's getting you down?

I'm feeling so over emotional. And think everyone thinks to worse of me. Rationally I know they probably don't emotions don't listen to reason.

I wish I wasn't such and over emotional, sensitive person. Most people I know don't know that I am, they think I am very calm. Underneath though my feelings are very strong and it is hard work trying to keep on top of them.

I feel like I'm not good enough at work, I'm not a good enough mum and I'm not a good enough person. I worry that whatever course I take in life is wrong and so I feel stunted in what ever I do.

Does this make any sense?

This is mixed up with bad feelings about the world and the things that happen in it. When it all gets on top of me I just feel overwhelmed.

Maybe you shouldn't look at yourself in that way. Being 'emotional', as you say, isn't necessarily a bad thing: it probably means your sensitive, empathetic, considerate, compassionate: I bet your kids, DP, and friends love that about you.

Do you have any outlet for your stronger feelings? Someone in RL to talk to? Even a sport where you can get out your energies?

The world is a bad place sometimes - I've been feeling this way this week because of that poor little baby boy. But it's also am amazing place, with wonderful people in it.

Has something happened recently to set you feeling this way?

you're - am typing in the dark beside my sleeping baby (in my defence!)

This is something that comes over me periodically. I go for a while thinking I am fine and that I do a good job, and then something will burst my bubble and I take it to heart and then all my good feelings seem like lies. It's all very black and white. This week work has bothered me, my husband has bothered me and also tonight my studying for my online assessment for my course has gone badly wrong, but all these things are fairly trivial in the great scheme of things. They really shouldn't get me down so much. Its more the way I beat myself up and inflate them into symptoms of a bigger problem with myself.

And then there is the contrast with the poor little baby who died and it makes me feel that world is such a hopeless place. And such awful things happen and that I am being silly and selfish, but also how futile a lot of what we do is.

Hey - I didn't mention poor baby P to negate what you're feeling - rather to sympathise with your sense of things being not right in the world.

Don't dismiss your own feelings so much. They're not trivial. Work, DH, study: these are important parts of life, and if you're feeling low about them then that's serious.

What's bothered you at work? With you DH? And why do you think your online assessment went wrong? - How can you be sure?

No I know you didn't. It's just I have felt bad about that this week. On the other hand it has made me give my DS more cuddles and attention as a result just to be thankful for him.

I have a reasonably new job (3 months) and I have a boss who is a good person but who is also quite distant, stressed and difficult to judge. It is difficult to get answers out of my boss when trying to plan ahead, and then when things get closer to the wire my boss has a flap and a panic and then I feel like the problem is either all my fault or my boss feels it is my fault because he wasn't really listening when I raised the issues in the 1st place. No body else in our dept does the same thing so there is no one else to talk to about it. I really don't feel that I am fitting in but the job suits my home life and study so is worth keeping.

My DS went out for drinks with work mates this PM and promised to come back at bath time so I could then get on with my assessment. He came back late, then kept interrupting me when I was trying to concentrate and then asked if he could go back to the pub. I got angry with him and told him to go. Then I got my 40% assessment - whereas last week I got 90%. This all sounds very petty now I write it down - but it has come after a number of days of feeling hypersensitive and having to pretend to be cool calm and collected at work, toddler group etc

I got really angry about DS after he left. Now I have calmed down it seems daft, But I think it was just caused by everything building up and the anger being the release. But it's not a very good release is it?

I ment DH not DS. My DS is far too young to go for a pint in the pub.

That's frustrating about your boss. Can you approach things from a different angle? Write him a memo or email in advance of forseeable problems? At least that way you can feel like you're covering your back. Can you sit down with him and strategise how to deal with things better? Do you have a review or appraisal coming up? Sometimes you're given the opportunity to review your job yourself: you could raise these issues (subtly of course) and stress that you're looking for solutions.

On the positive side, however, it sounds like you're good at your job - it's your boss who's letting you down.

That's annoying about your DH. You should let him know how stressed you are about your work - clearly it matters to you - and that he needs to respect your efforts. He'll forgive your your outburst, I'm sure. Apologise for that, but don't apologise for feeling stressed etc: he needs to see that part at least.

Do you have the opportunity to re-sit? What percentage of your overall mark is that piece of work?

I have 9 assessments to do as part of this module and I have passed 4 so far apart from the most recent one. They then knock out our one worst mark and do an average. So it's o.k. as long as I don't mess up any more. But I really thought I'd got to grips with the subject but the questions were very poorly defined. And it came as a bit of a shock to do so badly.

But as I say that was more of an excuse to feel bad, when I had been feeling bad already. I think the big thing that I worry about is that I don't feel as though I have a rightful place in the world. As though I don't deserve it.

Thank you very much for listening to me. It has been very helpful to calm me down and look at things in perspective. I'm going to bed now - generally another good way to put things in perspective.

Best wishes to you and the sleeping babe.

Night, Y. Take care.

*

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Desiderata, Max Ehrman.