Shocked myself thinking about overdosing

[SPARKLER1]

Was thinking of changing my name for this but decided not to in the end. Woke up feeling rough this morning so went to medicine cupboard to get some paracetamol. I was taking them out of the packet and I actually spent a few moments wondering whether or not I could take more and if it would help me. I have always said in the past that I could never harm myself as I am too much of a wimp and I am pretty sure I never would. I know I wouldn't want to do it for my children and my husband's sake. It's scared me to death knowing that I could even think about it. I'm shaking so much typing this.

Sparkler. I don't usually read the FD threads but had to answer your post. I wish I knew what to say.

I've just seen your other thread. No wonder you're feeling so rough.

Dh is having a lie-in this morning. I'm not sure how I'm going to tell him about the feeling I had this morning. He will be devastated.

Message withdrawn

sparkler, you may have felt this way because of combining AD's and alcohol - probably best to avoid alcohol for a while, sorry don't know all your circs, hope you feel better soon.

I am really sure that I wouldn't have done anything but it scared me that I stopped and thought about it for just a few seconds. Have never done it before - I'm really shocked with myself.

From reading the other thread it looks as though you've had a lot on your mind recently. Have you heard any more news about your step-dad?

Heard nothing yet - Gonna phone dm in a bit - just wanted to give it time for her to sleep. There has been a lot going on for years now with loads of different stuff - I'm a real worrier anyway which doesn't help. Have my first counselling session booked in two weeks' time so I shall mention this when I am there.

Enid - it probably is the combination of ADs and wine. Haven't been looking after myself very well this week. Have had a busy week. Lots of late nights, social nights out drinking. The house is a tip. DDs are in school all day tomorrow so I am going to try and get straight around here and have a steady day. Early night tonight will help too.

Hello Sparkler, I don't really know you, but I wanted to come and say that (and I've never admitted it to anyone before), I have had that moment too. I knew it wouldn't have been a serious attempt, a pure cry for help, and I felt terrible afterwards. It did give me the determination to carry on more though as I knew how guilty I felt to have even considered it.

Huge hugs - you're in a cr*&py place right now, but you will manage to work forward. I know you can.

xxxx

lots of {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} and prayers for you sparkler.

Didn't know how I was going to tell dh when he got up. So I showed him this thread. He went very quiet and rubbed my head. Told me that I was a daft thing and I should have told him myself. Gave a big hug. I feel so bad for making him worry.

Awww, but at least by showing him, and making him worry he is aware of how low you are feeling, and will do all he can to help.

xxx

Hi Sparkler, sorry to hear you're feeling down.

Thinking of you.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry that you are feeling this bad SPARKLER
You have had a lot to deal with recently & it is not suprising that you feel so awful.
Are you getting a lot of support?
I think you need to go back to your gp & maybe get your dosage of your AD's increased.
Have you heard any more about your counselling?

Counselling is booked for the 28th of this month. I don't really want to go to GP yet as I haven't really given this 40mg dose much chance. I have forgotten to take it a few times - which I know I musn't - so they probably haven't had much chance to kick in properly. Going to make a determined effort this week to look after myself. Dh has taken dds out for the afternoon so I can get some rest. House is like a tip but it's just gonna have to wait.

Glad to hear that your counselling sessions are not too far away now.
Hopefully, they will help you.
It is good that your DH is taking the children out, to give you a break.
Make sure you look after yourself. The house work can wait!
You know that we are always here for you.

Thanks Blueteddy. Gonna rest now.

Sparkler, sorry about your crappy day/night . hopefully tommorrow will be mcuh easier (a hangover and tiredness always make things seem much harder to cope with) bunnyxx

Managed to get a couple of hours sleep this afternoon. Didn't feel much better for it. I think I have really worried dh. He keeps asking if I'm okay. He went out with dds this afternoon and tried to phone me on my mobile. I never heard it ring. There were two missed calls on it when I saw it. Dh said he was really worried when I didn't answer - he thought something had happened.

Oh Sparkler sorry to hear you're feeling like this - you always seem so bubbly!!! Your DH sounds like an angel for letting you try and get some rest (although it was difficult). I don't know your circumstances but am sure the counselling will help in some way - in the meantime do you think a visit to your GP would be helpful? If you want to talk further please feel free to CAT me. Big hugs and look after yourself. xx

People are always surprised to hear how I am really feeling. They say that I always seem okay. On the outside I probably am but inside I am really low.

I am going to hold off going to gp for now. I am going to have a steady week this week. Going to lay off any alcohol and get some early nights in. DDs are both at school tomorrow so I am going to potter around at home and try and get on top of all the jobs here. A tidy house always makes me feel a bit better.