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Feeling low all the time..

7 replies

scrappydappydoo · 06/11/2008 14:38

For the past couple of months I've been feeling really low - I know a lot of it is tiredness as dd2(8mths)is not a good sleeper and dd1 is a typical 2yr old but its more than that. I'm a sahm and I just don't feel like I'm coping at all. I put on this front - where everyone seem to think I'm a great mum but I really am not. I have to take them out to groups and things otherwise I end up getting really frustrated over normal baby/toddler behaviour so i end up plonking them in front of the tv and then feel so guilty because of this. I feel so relieved when dd1 is at preschool or has her nap but instead of getting on with stuff like tidying our tip of house I just sit and watch tv and comfort eat. I keep bursting into tears for no reason. I don't have any real friends - just lots of people who I have very light chat with and would be horrified if I told them how I was really feeling - mostly because they're always saying how wonderful it is to be mum. I think I love my girls and we tried for 5 years before conceiving dd1 and I thought I would love being a mum but I don't - I feel trapped - I don't feel I go anywhere or do anything without them... My dh is great but he's noticed that I'm not myself and he keeps telling me to pull myself together - well I try but now I feel I'm putting on a front for him as well and I don't want to do that..
I constantly want to retreat into my own world or just walk away. Please don't judge me I just need to know what to do to pull myself together..

OP posts:
DumbledoresGirl · 06/11/2008 14:44

I think you need to go to your GP and explain everything you have said here. I am not a big one for drugs and especially not anti-depressants, but you do sound like you might have PND.

On the other hand, I felt the way you feel for a long time while my children were as little as yours. To some extent, I think a lot of people feel trapped and bored and lonely when they are at home with little ones. So I would also say that you should try to find some activities just for you, ie not baby groups. Could dh have the children one evening a week so you could go out and be the old you you once were?

littlestrawberry · 06/11/2008 14:48

Scrapydappydoo, you should go and see your GP, you really sound like you may be suffering some sort of depression. TBH I could have written your post myself a few years ago, I had my dc's close together and found it so much harder than I expected. Wih hindsight I would say I was suffering depression but I didn't seek help and I think it took alot longer to feel better because of it.

It will get easier as they get older but in the meantime you need some support. Do speak to your GP, see what they can do to help, maybe anti-depressants or counselling. Maybe if you do this your DH will take your mental health a bit more seriously and realise its not as simple as 'pulling youself together'.

Take carexxx

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 06/11/2008 14:59

No-one is going to judge you, because this isn't your fault! you aren't behaving this way by choice, and it doesn't make you less of a mum. I think you probably do have PND, that sounds exactly how I felt a few months back, down to teh comfort eating, the wanting to be left alone, to have all pressure removed.

Firstly, to echo Dumbledore, go to your GP and tell them how you're feeling. They won't be surprised or judgemental, this is SO common. I was given a fairly low dose of antidepressant and it's helped me cope immensely.

Secondly, can I reccommend Homestart? I asked for their help when I was feeling like we weren't getting out enough, I never got any time alone, didn't have any real friends etc. My homestart volunteer has been fantastic. She will look after ds while I shower, get a bit of space, do a bit of housework etc. Or just talk if I need to talk. It's such a huge help, and she's become a firm friend.

Thirdly, don't assume those friends will be horrified if you admit how you're feeling. Friendships are often formed fastest when you show "weakness" iyswim. If your friendships with other mums at playgroup are just based on how wonderful motherhood is, it will remain so. You need support. The other mums will be there because they need some space too! they may have left a messy house behind, or be tearing their hair out quietly over their babies. It often isn't anything like it seems.

Lastly, your dh telling you to pull yourself together is completely unhelpful. What he needs to do is take the kids off your hands for an hour now and then. Take them to the park, or let you go shopping for a bit. Let me know, as in expressly tell him (cos they can be a bit thick) what he can do to help you. And get a leaflet on PND, or take him with you to the docs so he knows it's not just you and you can't just pull yourself together ffs.

You will get better. The way you're feeling is not permanent. You just need to ask for help and you'll get it.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 06/11/2008 15:01

er, that should have read: let him know. Not let me know. I know!

scrappydappydoo · 07/11/2008 23:25

Thanks for your replies - I ddn't think you could have pnd 8mths later?? Feel a bit scared about seeing a gp but I will give it a try..
I think dh is at a bit of loss as to what to say to me - he wants to help but doesn't know how..
Coming on here really helps I feel part of something and less alone with struggles

OP posts:
JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 08/11/2008 15:08

Yes it can definitely be pnd 8 months later, and you really shouldn't worry about going to your gp, they see it all the time and they don't make assumptions that you're a bad mother to your dc, pnd affects women in all different kinds of ways. They will just ask you your symptoms, same as any other ailment, then tell you what they can do to help.

The sooner you ask for help, the sooner you'll start to feel better, so make that appointment monday, and don't stop using MN for support.

amess · 08/11/2008 15:24

I'm sure I was told pnd can occur quite a few years after childbirth. When you think about it your body and life and emotions have had and are still having a lot to deal with and sometimes we just need some extra care at times. don't cope alone seek help. not all doctors will off the best help they are only human after all but hopefully you will the right help straight away but please don't give up if the help isn't right straight away which is hard when you are so low hopefully you will get the right help straightaway.

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