Help- new mum need advice

[Sarahpo]

My DS is four months old, when i was 7months pregnant hubby had terrible stress at work applied for a job 90miles away from where we live got the position and we had to decide what to do...i.e. do we move or stay put and he commute. In the end i decided to move when DD was only 6weeks old. I am now 90miles away from all of my friends and 190 miles away from my family who are in the Midlands. I am going to as many toddler groups as i can where i am living but i pretty much spend every day by myself with baby and i am utterly miserable and homesick. I have no friends here. Days can go by where i don't see a soul except my husband and i have no one to talk to and i think i am starting to feel really desperate. I actually cry in the street sometimes things are so bad. Is it normal to feel this way do other new mums feel as isolated and lonely as i do? Is the first year of motherhood meant to be this difficult. sorry i realise this is a long post but any advice would be helpful.

oh sweetheart (((((((((((((())))))))))))))

could you invite some moms back to yours for a cuppa and chat? talk to the hv and see if there are any parents who could set up friendship group with you maybe xxx

i found the first year pretty much the same as you as my family is back in the midlands and i live in the sw. are you local at all?

Aha Mrs Mortenharket love the name! thanks for the immediate post i had no intention of pouring my heart out on an internet site but then thought hey nothing to lose....

i haven't met any mums there don't seem to be many babies down here at the toddler groups my DS is the only baby anyway we are in west sussex, feels like i am on Mars at times!

oops i got my DS and DD confused i only have one DS who is now four months old.

i couldn't leave your post unanswered sarahpo, sometimes mn is brill for being able to pour out your heart so don't worry about that, it saved my sanity many a time and it was anonymous.

lol at the mars feeling tho, it's a very familiar one.

i have to go now sorry (no internet at home so use the one at library - at least it's free lol) speak soon xx

I'm so sorry you feel so isolated and, yes, it is normal, added to the fact that you've had this big move. It is so very hard. Can you make time to go "home" occasionally, giving yourself something to look forward to. What about looking for local mumsnetters to meet up with? Not sure if you post on the June/July postnatal boards (haven't seen you on July, anyway) to see if there's anybody near where you live. What about contacting the NCT to find new mothers? As baby gets older, you'll be able to do more stuff and get out more. i know that doesn't take away the "pain" of making new friends but these things take time.

I really hope things get better for you - I'm sure they will.

I remember this feeling well sarahpo, could you maybe find a gym with a creche? or think about helping out at guides or brownines? They always need helpers and you get loads of training and social events (without the kids!).

I really hope things pick up for you soon.

Thanks for the posts and suggestions actually helping out at brownies sounds like a good idea actually as i do love kids (just not convinced i love being a mum yet) reading other posts on mumsnet other new mums face the same feelings regardless of being in a new town or not. Some days i feel ok and i say to myself 'it doesn't matter that you have no friends' and other days i am just in pieces....i can't really go to the gym yet as well, things are damaged 'down there' so i can't do a lot yet re:exercise...even sneezing is a bit of a battle if you get my drift!!!!
have a good day everyone today mumsnet is great for revealing the true feelings re: motherhood and it really is mixed emotions.

i often cry in the street. my dh works all day and comes home at midnight, i go to many baby groups but so lonely and tired in evenings and weekends. my baby doesn't sleep and i'm suffering pnd.

i'm having counselling and it really helps. honestly. go to your docs and explain how you feel.

these babies are not easy peasy are they?

is there any mum and baby piltes near you. it makes me feel so good

kalo12 i am really sorry to hear that you cry in the street as well that makes me really sad to think that others suffer so

mum and baby pilates now that sounds like a good idea i am might try and see if i can find something like that...

I am trying to get out to groups but often my DS is the only baby at these groups, maybe i am going to the wrong groups??

do you go to breast feeding groups? Even if you aren't bf ing its ok. I go andd some of my friends there are bottle feeding.

remeber crying is a release of the stress you feel. Its good for!

Hi thanks kalo12 i have been so up and down this week-end it isn't even funny imagine the worst PMT and times it by 100 i am actually thinking that i ain't right in the head!! I think we may move back 'home' i think this all has something to do with a very strong nesting instinct that kicks in when you have a baby and i so badly wanted to stay where we were living before, we had the baby's room set up and everything only to have to move so far away when he was six weeks old...oh dear...life is tough isn't it?? Hope you are ok this week-end the weather is lousy...