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[Jennysbean]

I don't know if this is the right place to post this but I just need some reassurance. My DD is 8 months and is a healthy happy little girl and I love her to bits. The problem is me, I don't know if its tiredness or just me being horrible but I keep getting so angry with her. This morning it took me an hour to get her to nap and I was close to snapping. I had to leave her in her cot while I stood outside and counted to 100. Now as I write this I am calm and trying to understand why I got so upset and feeling so horrible and guilty. I have these horribel thoughts like I wish I hadn't had her and that someone would just take her away. Why am I so irrational. It's only a nap for Gods sake.
I feel so anxious about everything, I go back to work in 4 weeks and am anxious about nursery.
I have thought that maybe I am suffering from late onset baby blues but don't know how to handle this.

have you spoke with your GP or HV?

If not, I would. It can be hard trying to get some "me" time with a young baby but you need to work out whether you have depression or are just very tired and worrying about going back to work?

Thanks, I am going to make an appointment to see my HV later on. I think going back to work is what I need in a lot of ways. I have never really got used to spending all my time with her. I go back 3 days a week so maybe having a balance will be better for both of us. I hope that doesn't sound awful. I adore her but quite often feel guilty for feeling so knackered and narky. I want to feel more like myself for her, me and my DH who I am pretty horrible to at times.

Three days is a good balance. It can be very isolating having children.

No one tells you (or you don't understand unless you've experienced it) what a huge psychological change happens after having a baby. I'm feeling better now but for a while there I felt like I had ceased to exist as a person beyond the baby. I was a busy career woman and suddenly my world got so small. Then I felt so guilty for having these feelings. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone, far from it. Glad you're going to speak to the HV.