Feel like such a shit parent/employee/partner and general waste of space...

[mamadiva]

I can't seem to do anything right.

DS is 2YO goes to nursery 3 days a week from 7.15am until 5pm as I work either 3 days or 3 nights so need to work or sleep whilst he's there, hate the fact I have to put him there but he loves it.

But now the fees are gtting on top of me my job is crappy paid and I hate it (care assistant in dementia home) but even ehen hes not at nursery I am always so tired and can't keep up with him or the housework. My house isn't a tip but it's surface tidy IYKWIM and I hate that my son is living in what is probably a dirty house with his lazy bitch of a mum.

As for my poor DP he gets ignored most of the time anytime he wants to do something like have a few druinks we dont have the money(he works too BTW) or we watch a movie and I fall asleep I feel like I'm neglecting him and my son

I honestly dont think there is much point in anything at the moment I am no use to anyone.

Was going to namechange but thought no screw it will tell them all what am really like, I put on some sort of front outside I am overweight, lazy and probably over confident even though its a frioT IYKWIM. I hate my life and I hate me....

Sorry for ranting just need to speak out am supposed to be working tonight and I still havent slept was up at 5pm yesterday as have been on nights for last 3 days and honestly I uust cant for worrying about things, Im shit at my job as it is never mind when am half asleep...

Sorry shouldnt have posted that...

too pity me I guess

No time now, but sorry you feel so helpless. Hang in there..there is a way forward.

You sound exhausted! There are more important things than a clean and tidy house. Is your other half doing his fair share around the house? This could take some of the pressure off you. Also, if your child is happy in nursery then you should not worry - there are lots of marvellous things that he will do there and a bit of downtime just watching TV with Mummy won't hurt him. Take care.

Should also have said that when your child is 3 he will be entitled to 2 hours free at nursery during term time, so this should save a bit. Do you do the nursery vouchers (where you can pay your nursery fees direct from your salary before tax)? Ask your nursery manager if they can help you with this.

I think looking for another job with more regular hours is the way to go in the long term. Then you won't feel so wiped out on your days off.
Otherwise I'd just add that 2 yo boys are bloody hard work, so don't beat yourself up too much. Would it help to get him out for an hour and a half - two hours first thing each day to burn off some of his excess energy do you think? Outside air also helps me get my head a little straight for the day.
And don't worry about the house - ours isn't even surface tidy at the moment!

its hard work looking after a house and child and working shifts. I'm not surprised you feel exhausted and fed up. The only thing I can say is that I feel like this too sometimes but it does pass. Can you get the night off and get some sleep? You will feel better for sleep and can face everything with more energy. I find just doing one small thing can help make me feel I have achieved something. PS my house is a tip most of the time.

Actually you sound really really lovely because one of the things that shines through your post is that you are worried about the people that you love and their quality of life.
You have a very demanding life at the moment and it is not surprising that you are finding it overwhelming. You should be proud of yourself for keeping it together at all when you are so obviously very tired.
Of the things that are making you unhappy, I would try to break them down into manageable chunks and try to change things a little bit at a time.

You are not all the things you say and I think you should try to be a bit kinder to yourself.

Hope you feel better soon.