What type of therapy would be best for me - any ideas professional or otherwise

[unhappy]

I am going to see my GP on Monday finally admitting my depression and wanting to do something positive about it ? will do anti depressants don?t have a problem with them ? would like some sort of therapy, not sure what type would best suit me. I went to see Relate (albeit on my own) many years ago and delved into why I am attracted to emotionally absent men ie. absent father issues etc so kind of know why I am like that. Think my problems these days are that I just don?t like myself anymore. I am very confident at work don?t take any crap type of woman but at home with my dp who I know is a verbal abuser etc I have become a real sap. I do anything for a quiet life and never stand my ground if he is angry ? I tend to make my point later on after an argument sometimes days later but if I suspect he is angry or getting uptight I feel so scared that I buckle. So self esteem/confidence issues are what I have. What type of therapy works best to address these type of issues? Read some stuff about CBT sounds like it might be what I am looking for. If there are any therapists out there and you have an opinion I would really like some advice. I want to like myself again I want to be a good role model to my dcs and more than anything I want to be happy again - thanks

Just bumping this for you. I have anxiety and depression, linked to poor self esteem. Why do you feel scared of your DP? Is it because is IS abusive? Because if that is the case then no amount of therapy will help unless HE accepts that he has a problem and gets help to deal with it, or stops doing it, or leaves. Or, are you like me, and just cannot cope with confrontation, so i fester and it makes it worse? I get stressed that my DP might explode, but in his defence we are under a lot of pressure lately so it doesn't take much to push either of us.

I am on medication, it has helped with the anxiety but not with the depression. Im not sure if making your point later is the way to go actually as that just prolongs the argument and you feel shitty in the mean time so this affects your behaviour towards him. Vicious circle ensues.

Try looking at moodgym, it is linked on the mental health section on here, there are interactive CBT sessions online, it is free and recommended by doctors.

I am pretty sure you ARE a good role model to your children. Being in a relationship isn't about who is in charge, but it sounds like your DP is being inconsiderate and disrespectful - maybe you need to adress this together.

Are you sure you need therapy? If your DP is being abusive and you are frightened of him and you can see this, perhaps you might need a change of DP?

Thanks for your posts and I hear what you are saying about DP but I do think I need something that will help me get my confidence back often. Yes my dp can be verbally abusive never physically its very much a control issue with him and he has in the past had anger management but does not really help him. We do have issues and a very bizarre relationship well I think it is compared to what it used to be. But this thread is not really about me and my DP its about me and what I want to do I need to buck myself up from feeling so low I need to move on and I want the woman I used to be back thats why I think some sort of therapy would be good for me - I have absolutely no one in RL to talk to about my emotions my best friend of 30 years parted company last year due to her having an affair and always using me as an alibi and the other people I am friends with are just what I call "fun friends" I dont really talk to them about my problems dont feel comfortable telling them - funny how I can post them eh! Dont get me wrong I know that alot of my unhappiness is because of the relationship with my DP but not all of it and like I say I used to stand up to him and just want to get that back but not only that I want to enjoy life again I sometimes feel that I have forgotten how to have fun - anyone else out there with any experiences of different sorts of therapy and what they can acheive I would love to hear from you

I agree with you unhappy. I have been with my DP for 16 years now, and the past three have been, well, awful - if i didn't love him so much i would have walked away, but i know we love each other and that makes it worth fighting for. And it is OK actually to say, that YOU need help, and actually i think you getting your confidence back will make a huge difference to your relationship. Not just in the way you stand up to DP (we all have to stand up to your partners so im not suggesting he is a bully) but the way he sees you.

My DP and I got together when i was a single parent, i guess he saw me as very independant. I also, went to university and got a degree and PhD when DD1 started school. So, what he fell in love with, was used to, was a strong independant woman who was always the life and soul of the party, very loud and in your face, happy go lucky girl. Due to several things, bereavement, PND and severe anxiety he now has a depressive, scared, aggressive, clingy, insecure wreck who every week thinks she is dying from one disease or another. He had to have time off work to look after me, we are in financial SHIT and its took its toll. My DP has gone from being laid back, easy going, do anything for anyone, never raising his voice person to a verbally abusive misery who i have to walk on eggshells around sometimes. BUT do you know what, i know that this is partly, if not mostly, due to the way i have become. He has told me he doesn't know what he is coming home to.

I have been on medication for over a year now and i think, i can see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. Im looking for work (not before time!) and trying to take control of my life again. Much like you really.

I had counselling last year, it was a waste of time but i am now having counselling again, i had to fight to get this, which will be open ended until i feel i dont need it any more - im a long way from that, but it is helping.

If you have a look at moodgym, there is a section which describes really well the different types of therapy and there is an interactive section which might help you decide what is right for you. It is a bit "self helpy" and im a bit sceptical about that sort of thing but it is interesting anyway. Do have a look at it. It is non profit making, run by a university for research purposes.

I think you both would benefit from some counselling together at some point. I only wish my DP would come to a session with me, but he refuses, that is because he is scared. You don't have to make it about him, but it might be a way that you can express to him what you feel without him feeling like he is being attacked and reacting angrily.

Good luck - don't be fobbed off at the doctors with nothing, or just medicaiton, insist on counselling.

Thanks Exasperatedmummy - you sound like you have been through the mill - I have been with my Dp for nearly 20 years and its has only really been in the last 4 years that I/we have changed so much. I too used to be a strong independent woman but not anymore. My dp has always had a temper but the control thing started when he was having an affair. We are, in my mind, very much an odd couple now - I know things cant go back to what we were but I would like to go back to the way I was - I will push for counselling and am going to check out the moodgym site in a minute - thanks so much for your suggestions and I do hope that you can see further light at the end of your own tunnel very soon - dont blame yourself entirely for his behaviour though - just like I try not to blame my dp for my own behaviour we do have to be responsible for ourselves not others. I know that for want of a better expression "made a rod for my own back" where DP is concerned by avoiding issues not confronting things head on I have buried my head in the sand and hoped it would be safe and warm when I came out but think I have actually prolonged my own agony - good luck to you too