want to self harming and worried

[mummyev]

Hi
Ive been diagnosed with depression since i had my dd which is nearly 2yrs ago and recently ive found myself wanting to self harm, but im too scared to tell anyone as im so scared that someone will take my dd away from me.Im really after some reassurance or advice from someone that knows how i feel

I feel sure that no one would want to take your child away from you on the strength of that. Please don't self-harm, though. It might give you some short-term relief but it won't improve things in the longer term. It will make you feel worse about yourself. Eventually you will find yourself having to explain scars to your children.

Please do talk about this to whoever is helping you with your depression. They will have heard it all before, they won't be shocked.

I know but i dont understand why all of a sudden im getting like this again.maybe this is just a really bad low

Has anything difficult happened recently? Or perhaps it is just the accumulated exhaustion of looking after a toddler?

If you are on medication, perhaps worth talking to doctor about the dose?

It could be so many things that trigger a low. I hope that you have someone that you can talk to about it.

Meanwhile, look after yourself, be kind to yourself. Some of the relief that is gained from self-harming might also be gained from vigorous exercise, if it is possible for you to do that -- and that might lift self-esteem to, whereas self-harm will pull it down.

I hadnt thought about having to explain myself to my daughter, i dont want that.
I know i need to talk to someone about it, im just scared. i think thats why im talking on here as noone knows me
Thank you

I wish there was more that I could say to reassure you. I hope that someone who is a mental health professional will come onto the thread and reassure you that you have nothing to fear from talking to your GP about your feelings.

Hi mummyev, it may be useful for you to have a look at this thread. There are others having the same thoughts as you, myself included.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/630243-trying-not-to-self-harm

I took the hardest step this week and went to my GP about the self harming. I have been on anti-depressants for just over a month now. I had let the depression get quite bad before admitting I needed help so the first month while taking the anti-depressants has been quite dark for me. Only now am I beginning to see a slight change in my mood.

It has been during this time that I have returned to self harming. It happened a few times during my teens.

I wanted to reassure you that you have nothing to fear from asking your doctor for help or by admitting that you have these feelings to someone. Have you actually self harmed yet? Please talk to someone about it. My GP wasn't surprised when I admitted it, he said it was very common for people with depression to have these thoughts.

He is making me a relaxation tape which I am about but am willing to try. Though I have not SH for a week now I know that when I hit a low again or something triggers the thoughts I need to find another way to find relief. Part of the reason that I haven't done it again is because my dd (5) asked what the marks on my stomach were. I was devastated and ashamed. I do not want her to see that.

Good luck and please seek help from someone. xx