Just had a panic attack and feel so stupid

[2lilangels]

Changed name because hardly anyone knows I have panic attacks. Took ds to school and only remembered when I got there that the school have arranged to walk about 2 miles away just before lunch, with the kids that want to, to watch a local event and I hadn't returned the slip. Started feeling panicky but had a talk to ds who decided he wanted to go so I told his teacher who said it should be fine as long as I checked with the secretary if I still needed to sign. She goes off to start doing the register and I helped ds write his name, when he decides he really doesn't want to go now. I could feel a panic attack coming on, from far more than just that but it's a long story, so was trying to get out quick and told the TA (as the teacher was busy now) that he'd be staying after all - except I babbled it more than told her and left very swiftly. Was going to mention it to the secretary too just in case but as I walked past she was with someone else in tears, obviously the day for it, so I left it.

Managed to get out and round a corner before having the panic attack. Managed to get home and started to calm down but still feeling shaky and a complete idiot. Worse I'm now thinking if the TA forgets ds isn't going and they take him he won't be picked up early (as the ones who go are supposed to be) and that's going to cause trouble.

Sorry to babble, my head's a complete mess and feel like I've messed it all up now, can't phone the school just to say he's still not going! Anyone else manage to cause more problems trying to avoid one?

I really feel for you. I have panic attacks and my job is organising exhibitions and conferences, I panic about having panic attacks and therefore bring them on because I am terrified people will find out I'm not the capable person I seem to be.

The way I dealt with it was to be honest about my panic attacks, you will be surprised how many people get them and feel embarassed but I found as soon as I was honest it made it 50 times better because I knew if I had one it was one less thing to "panic" about becasue people knew I suffered. If that makes sense???

I have just started taking Fluoxitine as I have had a few issues that I'm finding difficult to cope with day to day, redundancy, finding a new job, mum in law has cancer, a friend died and it's all been a bit difficult to say the least.

You aren't alone and there are so many of us who "appear to be normal" and really once you start talking you'd be surprised how many people really understand your feelings.

Call the school and say am really sorry, rambled a bit earlier was in a hurry just wanted to check that you understood ds didn;t want to go on trip. Gon on it'll make you feel so much better.

xx

Glad someone replied, thanks, I phoned the school a few mins ago but because I hadn't returned the slip she automatically told me ds wasn't on the list, without really listening to what I'd said, so I'm not sure how much that helped but at least I reminded someone else.

I want to be honest and am to a few people but I find it really hard getting the courage to tell anyone at school, because it's a very good school and most of the teachers and parents seem very organised, practical people and I know being seen as 'the weird one' will just make me feel more panicky. Someone once suggested to me that writing everything down in endless 'to do' lists and carrying it round so you could follow it step by step could help, haven't tried it yet but may have to.

How do you actually tell people, especially if they've known you a while already and the 'moment' you should have said something has passed?

I know it's really hard because you don't want to be perceived as a weirdo or saddo! I started by saying oh god I had a terrible panic attack the other day, not sure what brought it on but it scared me so much!

I always try and laugh about it, although it's not funny and try not to take it too seriously. Schools are funny things because like you say everyone seems so together, and Teachers and Headteachers take us back to our own childhood where they were a formidable force we looked up to and respected, so that can be intimidating in itself.

Pick one or two people you think you can trust and will understand and go from there. I'm not being much help am I????