Am at breaking point with my lack of self esteem and confidence - please help

[PussinJimmyChoos]

I was on Citalopram for 2 years following PND after DS. I finally felt well enough to wean myself off of them gradually and have been AD free for about 6 weeks now.

However, DH is in the Mid East as MIL is dying. He clearly did not want DS and I there which farking hurt as at the end of the day, I'm his wife and I want to be there to support him. I've come to stay with my mum for a few weeks for a bit of support but although we are not even at the end of the first week and there have been rows every day.

I have been very upset about DH not wanting me there and I have gone on about it which I understand has cheesed my mum off but the comments I get during an argument are so below the belt, that I feel so shit afterwards. Things like oh well, if you go on like this at DH, I'm not surprised he didn't want you there, you would drive me to insanity if I lived with you etc.

Today BIL made a joke and because I'm so delicate, I just cried. Rather than just leave me to it, Mum started hissing that I'd made the poor bloke uncomfortable. I tried to head that arguement off as I just knew that if I talked any more, it would lead to a big sobbing session but he heard it anyway and she started calling me a loud mouthed prat etc.

I feel unwanted by DH and not wanted here. I could go back home and cope on my own until DH comes back but I don't feel able to right now so as hard as what this is, I'm tolerating it as its good for DS to have loads of company and its the lesser of two evils

I don't have any self value, I stress about what everyone thinks about me and its just getting awful.....

I should also add that I'm feeling irrationally angry with DH - I know he just couldn't be bothered with the hassle of having us there, which hurt so much. We went there for a hol in April and he was just soooo grumpy and stressed with it all - and DS was just being a normal toddler

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I can understand you wanting to support your husband and feeling hurt by him, but maybe he's just trying to work out his own feelings at the moment as his mother is dying? Maybe it's just easier for him to try to deal with it by himself and he'll come to you for support when the time is right for him? The death of someone close affects people in strange ways and it can affect your other relationships. I think you need to try to give him a break about this and try not to see it as a rejection or a reflection on you, and concentrate on getting yourself back on an even keel. Well done for getting off the anti d's, btw. Have you ever tried any counselling for your self esteem or anything?

No I haven't tried counselling...do you think it would help? Have had it before as DH and I nearly split up due to the interference of MIL and I didn't find it that helpful, but am older and wiser now so...lol!!

Maybe? I don't know, I'm just about to probably get some myself because of pnd, so I'll see how helpful it is.

Your Mum sounds like she's not helping to put it mildly. Her remarks are driving you lower when you don't need it. Do you friends local to your home? Would it be better for you to be at home and see friends for more support? Some of your self-esteem issues could come from the negative feedback you are getting from your Mum. Is she ever supportive of you?