dh is depressed.

[misdee]

understandable really. he keeps saying he is useless etc, and i dont know what to do. i have asked if he wants to see a gp about it, or have some conselling (which i know he'll get some of, because of the prospect of transplant) but he says no. i cant push him as he'll get moody.

he sometimes gets really down and says a transplant wont work, he'll end up dead and he may as well give up now, then he quotes the % to me (something about only 60%being alive 5years after transplant), and i have to tell him that things will more than likely be ok, and that not to end it now as we need him at home. which doesnt work as he says he cant do anything so he may as well not be here.

just so confused about what to do.

hi i dont really know the background but i guess you just have to stay strong and positive for all your sakes.
i notice your on here quite a bit and think you have helped me out once but its obvious people on here care about you, so there is always someone you can talk to.
just try and keep reassuring your man that he is needed and loved
sorry its not v helpful

Misdee this is really normal iwas like that and it was mainly frustration building up from being able to do nothing I was quoted all those statistics aswell and 5 yrs was always mentioned but I had my 1st transplant in 1985 and I'm still here!There is always the option of a second aswell which I had in 2000 as my 1st simply ran out of steam.Vinny Jones wife had a heart about 12 yrs ago I think and she is the picture of health HTH

thanks noddy. found out that a member on another board had a transpant 3 weeks ago, and i thought this may cheers dh up as the bloke in question also had fast detoriation like dh had, and got a new heart in a matter of months, but dh is convinced he'll be waiting years and that will be too long.

he won't wait years if his condition is advanced If they have already started tissue typing etc they are looking at sooner rather than later.Any infections etc alter your antibodies so the results used to match etc have to be recent to be valid so I would say he is high priority.Did he hear any more about the heart assist device?

poor thing. it must be a terrifying thought for him atm to be going through the whole transplant procedure. difficult to know what to say as I think anyone is his situation would be feeling quite down by it all. is there any district nurse type person that sees him at home or anything like that, or does he just turn up to the docs appointments etc and he's just left unsupported?

he has appointment next week with Dr Banners team at harefield to discuss the transplant test results etc, so as long as the last blood test was ok, he will be on the list i guess. the device they were talking about is an option if he gets worse or cant have a transplant for any reason.

he has been asked if he has had conselling, but he hasnt and so far hasnt been offered any. he did have a lovely long chat with the chaplins (is that right?) tho at the hospitals.

On days like this my dp and I used to try and do something'normal'.I know this is hard for you with a new baby and seeing this new life has prob triggered these thoughts in him I know I used to crack every time I looked at my ds thinking I would be leaving him soon!But now I am even considering having another!Life will get better for you allbut it will take time and you can just support him I found the counselling offered was a bit too miserable for me but it may be better at Harefield

he is still low. he wont speak to gp. he is getting very short temper wise with the kids. doesnt help that he is suffering muscle problems as well now (bad circulation maybe?). i have booked my theory test for next week, and once i've passed that am signing up for intensive driving course as dh cant drive easily atm. he doesnt want me driving his car with L plates, but i need to drive asap.

got a holiday booked for may, am hoping the muscle problems are sorted by then. he says he wants a wheelchair as he just feels useless.