Same old me with same old moan

[tammybear]

Wish for once I could be fully happy. Theres always something upsetting me, or making me feel like Im nothing. I just want to have a quick rant so it's off my chest. It usually makes me feel better even if noone reads it or has anything to help me with. I just keep thinking about my life, and at the moment, it just seems to the complete opposite to what I want. I know we all have our dreams, and we cant expect them over night, and cant always achieve them. But all I want is a house that is mine, to have a job that brings in a comfortable wage so Im not struggling like I always am and relying on benefits, to have someone living with me who I love, and loves and respects me back, who can take care of me when Im ill, and do the little things like ironing or washing up when I just cant be bothered, and to be able to provide my dd with the best possible future that I can offer her.

But at the moment, my life is me renting a house, not receiving any housing benefit as they cancelled it cos I got a job and need to reapply which will take a couple of weeks, tax credit AND income support both claim that I owe them money, I live alone and have to do everything, Im always knackered cos this job is killing me, and I feel so alone without dp now. I love him so much, but as far as everyone's concerned, we've broken up.

This job since taken it has just seemed to have given me nothing but grief! Im so tired all the time, I spend less time with dd, dd has been ill ever since Ive started, shes had colds, coughs, high temperature, and yesterday and today has been sick! I never had any of this grief with benefits before. Everything that has happened with dp would have never have had happened. I would have seen him a lot more too. I mean Im looking for another job now, so I can work morning instead of afternoons as I think it'll make things a bit easier.

I just feel so alone, and although Ive got all these worries and stuff, they dont see that bigger deal to other people, and really probably shouldnt be to me but they are. Ive got so many thoughts in my head, I have a constant headache, and I know theres nothing I can do anytime soon, all these things take time, but Im not patient, and I dont know if everything will be okay. Ok, I probably dont make sense now, but I just dont know what to do

tammybear, I'm sorry you feel like this. I wish I could help you but I'm sending a bear hug!

Don't dispair Tammybear, begginings are always difficult, this is the first step to earn what you dream of, next step will be brighter. Somebody told me long time ago that if you really wanted something you just need to wish it hard, accept it will happen and wait for it. And it's true. Takes time but you will get there, promise.
{{{{{{hugs brave girl, you are going to be OK}}}}}

hiya sweetheart

thanks, i ended up bursting into tears to my mum earlier, and she was saying i shouldnt bottle things up like i do. cant help it, its just who i am

get a grip girl there are people starving out there and homeless and kids are being treated bad.....

ingnore!
just a lovely person with such a helpful opinion.

if you wana speak im here for a bit or email mexxxxx

Oh, f**k off,Marra.

Tammybear, things will get better. You're only 19 and are doing brilliantly as a mum. Things will get easier in time and you'll meet someone else.

This is a great place to have a moan.

thanks evesmama

marra, i know there are alot worse situations out there than the one im in, but call me selfish, but these things upset me, and i just want to vent it out to make me feel a little bit better so I can hopefully move on from being like this to appreciate what i do have. but i have noone to talk to other than mumsnetters

thanks hercules (20 actually )

dont answer or react.

so what have i missed?xxx

Happy belated birthday!

not much since the last time we spoke evesmama, just feel down, and helpless, especially towards dd. i dont know what to do for her to make her feel better. got doctors on tuesday. i hope she gets better soon. shes been ill on and off since christmas, and shes already lost weight. she keeps getting high temps, and im annoyed with her nursery too as although they rang me up yesterday to say she had a temp of 100, they didnt ask me to come get her. i rang my mum up to go get her for me, as i was at work and she had just finished. but it annoyed me.

lol hercules, thanks

your birthday??when??

dd has also been poorly since christmas and theres not much age gap between them, so maybe its something they all go through?, especially at this time of year(look under my thread"absolutly furious"..youll see what fun ive had with docs)
so how has it been left with you and him?
are you still in contact?
x

TB

Are you still being strong and flying solo ??

im not sure if its things shes picked up from nursery or cos of the weather or what. my birthdays actually in july Not too sure how things are gonna be. I still hear from him

??birthday in july??am i being dense??

what 'kind' of contact?...

texting, had to ask him earlier if he had seen my The Terminal dvd as its done a disappearing act.

lol i dont think many Mumsnetters know my birthday, i was away last year for mine so couldnt be boasting it was my birthday

LGJ trying my best to be strong, damn hard though

tammybear sorry to hear you're feeling down....it's perfectly normal and alright to feel like this and to have a moan about it(goodness knows I've been moaning about my problems for a year or so)....sounds like you have a lot to contend with, with your dh being away....soory to be ignorant here but is your dp there much to help you with your dd, if not it's not surprise that you feel the way you do....to be alone with a child and without being able to cuddle up to a man at the end of a night and chat and stuff isn't easy am sure (have my dh most of the time and go mad when he goes away)...please take comfort in the fact that you're not alone, you do need a break sounds like....can you have a w/e away with your family and chat with them at all....just wondering how long you've felt tired for...as sometimes it can be something else ....sorry to babble but just like to chat..

thanks cornfield, but dp doesnt live with me, he isnt dd's father either. and me and dp had a rough week last week where we ended up splitting up, so you can probably imagine how im feeling at moment. ive lived on my own for a year and a half now. my mum is around a lot, and is a great help for me as shes not too far away, bout 10mins drive.

tammybear, you've got/had a lot to deal with recently, hope things pick up for you soon xx.

thanks puff

Tammybear, you're only 20, and having to deal with all that? I take my hat off to you. Sending you hugs xxx

thanks dahlia

look, wasnt been mean but you need to take a good look at life in general. we all have bad times in our life and we cope and you will cope you are a strong person and compared to some you have your life in tact, just needs ironing out a bit....i work in social services so i have seen it all beleive me.
you can do it you must be a fab mum,show your little one that things are ok.
sorry about before....heres a hug and to hercules i am sorry too [no need for language like that though eh]