Hope this is the right topic so here goes... it is a bit long BTW. May be upsetting.

[damselindistress]

Okay I hope this is the right topic but if not sorry I just had to post this.

I am a regular on mumsnet but had to change my name for this one.

A few nights ago my mum was out with some friends, at about 2am she went missing from them so they thought she had gone home.

She had 5 drinks that night this has been confirmed by bar staff, about 45 minutes later she was seen on CCTV being seriously sexually assaulted (attempted rape) in an alleyway.

She was taken to hospital at about 3ish didn't gain conciousness until 10am the next day and she doesn't even rememeber being out let alone the attack.

Police say in no way did she encourage the 'man' (16YO) who did it she was seen trying to push him away but was drugged and in and out of concioussness and awareness. She keeps scrubbing herself in the shower because she is 'dirty' and keeps thinking she is a 'slut'. I have tred telling her otherwise but she can't belive me because she doesn't rememeber anything at all, its tearing her apart.

I really dont want this to tear her apart but it is and it terrifies me, shes going through a marriage break up at the moment and she has 3 young children too. How will she cope? I honestly don't know, yesterday she says she was suicidal when she got out of hospital late in the day.

I feel awful posting this publicly but I just need to tell someone and at least here no one knows me or my mum so I just need some help on how to support her its upsetting me so much too, everytime she gets her life together something happens to try and crush her.

I think they do but because she doesn't rememeber even going out there's nothing they an do about it really until she has flashbacks of some sort that's what they said anyway., they say that the boy was seen basically throwing something into herdrink as he walked past then she was seen about 30 minutes later being forced to drink something by 2 men we are not sure how that happenbed but it came from 3 witnesses so she mustv'e been heavuily drugged.

We will find out some more later after she's made her statement. It's just so hard becasue she doesn't know it doesn't seem real IYKWIM.

In a way we were very lucky the boy has been locked up, he had all her stuff too she is covered in cuts, bruises and there burns on her back. We have still to find out how that happened.

It's just horrid ashe didn't sleep last night spent the whole time cleaning the house incase she shut her eyes and saw something

Im so sorry your mum going through this. Dont have much advice, but think she needs counselling regardless of whether she can remember the actual attack. Would the rape crisis centre be any help

Oh damsel, that is horrifying. Your poor mum - and you, must be very hard for you, too.

Agree try Rape Crisis Centre and see if they can offer support or suggest anywhere else.

Thanks for your suggestions I will have to look up all these things, I'll speak to police later don't think she's ready too to be honest but I will take numbers etc and keep them somewhere for her and if she feels she needs to use them then she can when shes ready until then she can talk to me.

I feel awful for being upset because it's my mum that went through it all.

But I feel sick, sad scared and very angry that this happened to her! It is scary I never thought it would happen t anyone I know if that makes sense. It's horrible. I was at my mums all day yesterday and I was keeping a brave face on but everytime she went to the toilet or out of the room for a bit, excessive cleaning even though she was in agaony, she said she had to do it to keep clean

But everytime she was out of the room I would just break down in tears at the thought of it all, goodness knows how she must be! She is only 39 and I hate to think that this is going to affect her for the rets of her life!

This is horribly difficult for her and for you. I'm not surprised you feel so devastated and helpless. It sounds as though she is in a state of total shock and bewilderment.

Perhaps all she needs to hear for now, is that the culprit has been caught, the police are piecing together what happened and that you are finding out where she can get support when she is ready to talk. It's probably important that you talk to Rape Crisis as this is such a difficult thing to have to help your mum with. In time your mum will be ready to talk to them herself.

Even if she not ready to talk, they might be able to give you some advice on ways you can help her and how you can cope.

I never thought of that could they give me advice?

I'm trying my hardest not to push her but she keeps going over and over his picture in her head, they showed her and she recognised him but doesnt know how.

Last night she calmed down and was sitting at the table with a cup of tea when I went to the toilet, I heard a smash, when I came back she was in tears she had just flipped and through her mug at the wall and shouting that he was a bastard.

They have a website, with a bit for if you know someone who has been attacked
www.rapecrisis.org.uk/family_friends.html