I'm so pissed off right now and day by day I can feel the depression sliding back

[LolaTheShowgirl]

I am so happy with work right now. I love to go. It's the place I escape reality for those few little hours.

There is nothing specific I get depressed about - just lots of little things like the dog fcking constantly barking in a high pitched bark and I mean constantly but no one goes ot comfort him apart from fcking me all the time and it doesn't matter if i've been at work all day. I can't remember a time when I was asleep before 3am anymore and with 7am wake ups it is shit man. At 10 o clokc when i should be going to bed when i start getting tired my mothers husband is on the internet to his family talking so loudly down the microphone. if i ask him nicely to be quiet it all kicks off against me as if i've asked him to give me his life, not to shut up. So it's midnight by the time he shuts up and then gets in bed, then I can here my mother and him shagging or talking very loudly in the bedroom every night til 2. Again if I speak nicely to themn about it they kick off at me. Then i'm too past my tiredness to want to sleep for a good hour.

I've tried til my backs broke to look for something of my own. Just a pissy, crummy little bedsit would do but on the wage im on I could never afford it and i'd hate to loose the one thing that makes me happy in life-my job. It's life a fcking viciious circle. I thought of getting pregnant just so I could have a council flat but im not that selfish to a little baby. i'm tired of this shit. I pray I win the lottery. just enough to get me a little house even in the worst area. I wouldn't care. I'm tired man.

Sorry to hear things are tough like that at the moment. Living with mother and partner can't be easy. I've had to deal with the thin walls thing in similar circumstances... turned my stomach every time despite me mostly being quite fond of Mum's partner. But I REALLY think you are right in not getting pregnant to get out of the situation. I thought I'd had depressed and exhausting times in my life before but nothing comes even close to the 'explosion' of a new baby in the middle of your life.

Best of luck with finding somewhere to move out to. Are you putting any money aside at the moment? Perhaps you could set up an 'escape fund' for yourself and add to it every week even if only a few pounds each time. Having a plan to leave, even if you think it'll take a couple of years to save up enough might just help you mentally.

Best of luck.

you need a full time job, and then you can start to look forward to building a future. do you have a partner or a friend you could consider living with and sharing outgoings and expenses.

so, your job makes you happy, but being at home makes you more miserable and has done for such a long time now, your mum and her partner are never going to magically change into the kind caring people you want them to be

you have to make these changes and some of those changes will be hard, but worth it in the long run