am i like her?

[lexilex]

i grew up with a seriously depressed mother who took it out on me as a kid, i know im not fully like her but since my teens i have been up and down with depression which was never diagnosed untill after my ds4 was born, after years of hard work on myself with my mother being the inspiration to sort myself out, its just not going away, at the moment im going through relationship troubles which is really messing with my head and im really trying hard to keep my head above water and im struggling with the summer hols as i have no routine without having to get up and dressed to go to playschool everydaybut my house is a tip because i have nothing in me right now to get up and do something and i am finding myself snapping at my ds alot and it breaking my heart being like this.my mother has always been depressed and is still like it now, although she isnt in my life anymore i can help but think is this what my life is going to be like? will i be depressed on or off forever? please help me see that it isnt alway going to be like this. xxx

You are you and she is she and you are not the same. You can fight to get out of this. You have seen what her illness has done and you have asked for help. This makes you different does it not?
1/3 people in the UK have some sort of mental health problem, be it depression or something else. There's no shame in this. You have recognised that your life isn't the way you want it to be and you have the power to do something to change this. Go and see the GP. Antidepressants are not an evil thing, they are to help you get over the worst, to help you tred water and stop you going under. There's no shame in asking for help, you've done it here and you should be proud that you have done this. It's the first step and it's a big one. Take one day at a time. Go and see the GP tomorrow, then tackle your living room. It'll be OK. It's just a bad patch. You are not your mother because you are asking for help.

thank you. i do have bads days where i wory that this is what my life will be like forever, i know things will be better once im back into my routine once my ds is back at school, i do see the doc regulary.

i will get there in the end, i can see and end to my recent problems and the pressure will ease,

but thank you for your message it really did help me on tuesday. xxxxxx

My nan (who looked after me while parents at work) was what you'd call now bipolar judging on how she was and her mood swings
My mother is an alcoholic (in binges) where the least little thing like not being able to work a new mobile will send her off on a bender
I have days where I'm very down, want to be alone and occasionally think that DH & DS would be better off if I chucked myself under a tram (seriously, I weigh up the pros and cons in bed at night).
BUT I know I'm neither my nan or my mum. I know I need to be more open with DH about how I feel

sorry to here bout your mum and nan, i have the same problem with my dp, he suffers with depression too so were both to scared to talk to each other incase it brings the other down, but in my head i know it doesnt matter and that we should talk. but its not that easy so we both just go quiet.xxxx

Thanks lexi - I've kind of written it all of in my head.
DH is brilliant - the absolute opposite of my twunt ex-p and has been really supposrtive & encouraging about everything. It's really down to his suppost I've been promoted twice in 18 months at work and got a Diploma in Management.
I wonder if promising yourself a samll, silly treat at the end of the day to look forward to might help? That's what we did. Something like Cornetto, or a foot rub or a game of Monopoly. I'd find myself getting down and then think "ah, but I've got a strawberry Cornetto coming when DS goes to bed". And I'd look at that one little think as a silver lining

congrats on your promotions, im back at collage in a couple of weeks for my 2nd and 3rd courses, which im really looking forward to,

i think the treat thing is a good idea, at the moment i sit in the garden with a cup of tea and cig once there in bed which i really enjoy.
xxx

That's a start then - maybe think of something bigger for a weekend then - a lie-in, hour away from DCs window-shopping or something