If you have depression, do your children know?

[ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe]

A couple of times I have said Mummy is ill when I am talking to them but I assume they think I have a tummy ache. I feel they are way too young (7, 5 and three) but wonder when you do tell them.

I think maybe what you say varies by your particular symptoms i.e. how the depression manifests itself. For me, I get stressed and snappy and find it hard to cope. If I don't catch it in time I often cry which DS (2.5yrs) finds very upsetting.

When I was calm one day I taught him how to do deep breathing (blowing up a big ball like on Boogie Beebies ) and called it 'big stretching'. Now if I get stressed and I feel the panic rising I say 'mummy needs to do some big stretching' ...he tends to try and help by doing it too. Also if he's getting into a very excited state and being naughty this calms him down too, which is good for both of us.

When he's older I will def tell him and my DD (who is still a baby) as I only found out after struggling to cope for years that my mum and grandma had the same thing. Depression can run in families and it would have helped me get help for myself sooner and not think I was a 'failure' for feeling this way. I had episodes since a teenager but just thought I was a weirdo and tried to hide it.

Bovinebeauty - do you have some support. Sounds like you're having a rough time at the moment.

I wish my mum (whose now 65) had had mumsnet when she was suffering from depression/anorexia/bulimia. I'd like to think that she would have reached out for support, and been comforted by knowing that other mothers were going through the same things.

bak again.
nice one LF. ours is 'take a breath'. i love yoga and it was always gr8, but we in d country now so any classes too far out.
support is an agonising word for me. i know there is friends there who say i can reach out whenever i need to and there is the samaratins and so on.....BUT it is so hard to dial a number and say what exactly?....''i want to die, is that ok'' hubby is amazing and looks after the kids full time and cooks and bakes and takes em to the park and is sooooo fkin perfect i cant keep up!! good family is 4hours away and mum not so ok, always has a harder luck story to tell and i dont need anymore baggage.
and i am babblin again, sory girls.

nite nite
hugs.xx.

Actually Bovine, I think that "i want to die, is that ok" is exactly the right thing to say to the samaritans if that's how you feel. I think that it's a hard thing to say to friends .

Do you have any friends nearby who you could do a yoga session with once a week, to a yoga video or something? I have always found it an excellent way of de-stressing, relaxing and focussing myself again.

DS1 being silly this morning. Normal children behaviour but I am not coping well. Tried to talk to him and made a right hash of it.

I have just come across this. My mum does and has suffered with depression on and off all her life, resulting in her being sectioned after my younger brother was born and numerious horrendous episodes of "nerves" during my childhood.

I too have depression and think that it was made worse worrying about the effects it might have on my children. Being a mum kind of brought it all home to me. I thought my childhood was normal (I had no other baseline), but once I had my own children I realised how much I suffered too.

My eldest is 3.5 and knows that mummy gets groucy some times, but we say it is to do with lack of sleep. I never want them to think it is their fault, as I thought and was told by my mum

I have had CBT and it has helpped me deal with the core beliefs behind my depression and also change some of my behaviours and recognise them earlier.

I want my boys to be happy, to not worry or feel responsible for mummy being sad, so that is what I concentrate on. It has taken me all this time to realise I am not responsible for my mothers happiness, I never want my boys to think that they are responsible for mine.

I actually think I have been depressed since I was 15 but it wasn't diagnosed until I had my first child in 2001.