I feel as ill as i did 18 months ago

[Beauregard]

Not coping too well with anything and binge eating like you wouldnt believe.
[feeling sick]
dd's found me crying on the stairs today and dd2 said "I sowee i nooty mommy"

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Will only see a GP if it persists tbh,i am hoping that as usual i will come through the black cloud.I should be used to it by now.
Re the food issues i have been able to eat egg in omlette form which is miraculous as i hadnt eaten any eggs for 3 years.But the biggest problem imo is the binge eating,i will actually eat so much i am fighting to keep the food down.On holiday in July i actually had to make myself sick as i was so full
Feel a bit like that tonight

Then i shall 'diet' for 4 or 5 days and repeat etc.....
I am not even overweight for height BMI is 23 but for me too big iykwim?

PFNM you are stuck in the cycle of binge eating. Is there an overeaters anonymous near you? I cringe at the name, but any kind of peer support for this kind of thing is generally really helpful. When I was very ill with bulimia I got help through the eating disorders association helpline. I am pretty sure they have changed their name now. I really do think you should bring it up with your GP- if they don't know about it, they can't help and as much as you think you can deal with it, eating until you are stuffed and then making yourself sick is just not alright. It is indicitive of much much more going on under the surface

No idea if there is anything like that by me but would be reluctant to associate with it anyway as it would only cause me more problems in the long run.My only sister(dead 5 years)was anorexic/bullimic,OcD,body dysmorphia etc etc etc so would kill my parents if you understand.
I know it isnt normal but i need to find a way to break the cycle myself.I used to smoke you see and now i eat instead.

I eat to reward myself when i cant cope or feel low.It gives me something to look forward to.

Your parents wouldn't have to know. My aunt was and is severely anorexic- has been for more than 20 years. None of my family knew about my issues, partly because of wha my aunt has already put them through and partly because it is none of their damn business . Food as a reward is dodgy territory. And food as a reward to the point where it makes you feel or even be sick is not a reward at all- it is a punishment for yourself and only you know why you are doing it. And that is why you must speak to your GP to arrange some counselling- it took me a long time to see my behaviour as what it was, and these thigs are not black and white, they are extremely complex. I have to go to bed now, but I will be here tomorrow. Please do think about what I have said. I am CATable if you'd me to post you some good books to borrow, I have a couple that really helped me x

that you feel so low.

I am not a doctor, nor have I experience, good or bad, about medication for depression.

Just wanted to tell my story very quickly. I have had four sons and sadly two of them have died. I have had times when I have been lower than a snakes belly. I never, ever contemplated suicide but I would have liked to run away, many, many miles away.

The only thing that kept me going was my eldest son (26 yrs now) I would drink way too much and over eat to the extreme - then I would go upstairs to say goodnight and feel so ashamed of myself.

I decided after a few months that I couldnt put my 'surviving' son through any more crap and bit by bit I have dragged myself to where I am now. It has taken many years....but there is always 'light at the end of the tunnel.'

I know how horrible it is to feel so down and low that you dont know what to do about the mess you feel you are in.

Not even sure why I have shared this with you....just wanted you to know there is a way back from the crappy path we sometimes find ourselves walking.

Thanks will give it some more thought.
Thankyou all for being so kind.

Shabster-I am very to hear your story but glad and flattered that you shared it with me.

am propping open eyes now but will be back tommorrow

Night all and thanks again
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Take care honey - there is always a way back from the rubbish that life throws at us - always a way!!

One foot in front of the other and dont forget to breathe xx

Thankyou Shabs

I felt very anxious this morning and nearly ran to the hills when dp told me his family were coming.I swear i dont know how i kept it together.
Feeling bit better tonight and i even went for a 15 minute walk.

I used to have to write down the way I felt and what was worrying me....some days it was the only thing that kept me going. Well done for not 'loosing it' and for the walking bit. Just little steps and dont beat yourself up if you take a few steps backwards. I used to think my head would explode with grief....but it hasn't - up to now!!

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Pelvicfloor - you have my sympathy you really do.

I have been seeing a consultant pschyatrist for almost a year now and while he prescribes meds he does have other ideas. One thing he suggested (and I hesitate to mention it as I generally think this kind of thing is complete crap) is a kind of thinking called mindfulness (look it up on google). Basically, you are encouraged to live in the moment and recognise the feelings which make you depressed and having acknowledged them, move on to think about something else. I really do know this sounds like new age tosh, but there is now a significant body of academic research behind it which suggests that it can be very effective in preventing the recurrence of depression as it gives you a new way to deal with negative thoughts.

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Hi Dior
Sorry only just seen your post
I am hanging on ,i am numb a lot of the time tbh and just function on auto pilot.I do find myself crying at lots of little things but i just accept thats who i am.
I have been trying my best to get out walking of an evening,which i did this evening and i have only just eaten my dinner and sat down.
dd1 is back at school in the morning which im dreading and dd2 starts at preschool too which will be difficult
Thankyou for looking in on me,it means a lot.
Hope you enjoyed your hols?

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