DH depressed again, angry about everything, and desperate to lose weight

[clumsymum]

He was on fluoxetine from last Sept until April. Stopped it, and by mid-May was becoming discontented at work (this is always how it starts), which spilled over to life at home etc etc. This has just built to more and more in the last three months.

He said he wanted to try without tablets, and I've tried to help him, but it's no good, he's got lower and lower (no support from Dr, but then he hasn't sought any), and put back the weight he had managed to lose before. This depresses him more. I've tried to persuade him to take more exercise, to help the depression as much as the weight, but he won't/can't work up the enthusiasm.

He has finally agreed to go back to Dr, appt for Thursday, and I assume (actually hope) that he'll prescribe prozac for him again. But knowing that It'll take some weeks to start to take effect, Can anyone give me/him any hints to try to dissipate the anger, and lose the weight ?

PLP thanks for your words of encouragement. I am really not looking forward to DH coming home tomorrow. I am so angry and hurt by what he said. People have told me before that it's just the depression making him say these things, but I challenged him on this at the time. I asked how he could say that when he kept telling me he wasn't thinking rationally and his answer was that this was the only rational thought he'd had in a long time. I could almost forgive him for his words if I thought it was just the depression but that last sentence was almost a death nell for our relationahip. I say almost cos I'm still here!

I visited him once during the last 5 weeks. It's been difficult to visit more often as he is a 4 hour drive away and DS is not quite 3. He wouldn't cope with either the journey or seeing daddy and then coming away again for another 4 hour drive home. The only time I visited a neighbour who I barely know and DS had never met looked after him.

I know it will be difficult for both of us tomorrow and I think there will be some frank discussions about what he said and where we go from here. DS will be his shadow! Whe he gets back work have told him in no uncertain terms (DH in the Forces) that he is to take at least a week/10 days of sick and then he will be on a phased return to work. He is on ADs, how this will affect his career I don't know and is probably one of DHs major concerns, that and who knows where/why he has been. Can't remember the name of his ADs - and me a nurse, shocking.

Blah, blah, blah

God I feel like I really go on sometimes.....

A thread for those with partners suffering from depression would be great! Lots of support and somewhere to moan to someone who knows what your going through, instead of p*ing your friends off all the time.

Take care

Hi PLP & clumsymum hope all is well with you both and the DH's are getting on/better. Just to say DH is coming home from hospital today and it maybe a few days before I get back chatting. But I haven't forgotten you both and my thoughts are with you

Hi.

Just back from days a day at LegoLand for ds's birthday. I was a bit worried as to how dh would cope, with being so low at the end of last week, but he's brightened up a bit, and actually had a good time with ds at legoland. Went on the rides with ds, they are actually really good friends ATM, better than things have been between them for ages.

I think we are heading in the right direction, but I know it's a longish haul. I'm actually still pretty angry that the dr allowed dh just to stop them last time, with no weaning off, which seems just negligent, and I'm not surprised he's back on them so soon. But of course, the Dr doesn't have to live with the consequences.

Mogsmum, I feel for you. None of the depression is your fault, but do remember none of it is your dh's fault either. It's an illness, a chemical imbalance, and although it makes life really difficult, he isn't deliberately being awkward (difficult to make yourself remember that in the middle of it all, I know.)

Chin up, everyone.

Hi Purple and Mogs.

Sorry, I won't be back here again.

After 6 years as a Mumnet Member I've just been accused (on another thread of starting a troll thread).

I was actually trying to get some reasonable thought into a heated discussion (altho accept I used some heated words to do it), and I was accused.

I'm pretty hurt, and with everything at home I have to be concerned with, it's stupid that I let a forum upset me.
So I'm going to add this to my list of blocked websites, and go.

I wish you both well, and hope your partners can return to happier, healthier times.

BYE

Purple - hi it's Mogsmum, changed my user name as the previous one was too recognisable but was all I could think of at the time!!

What can we do about clumsymum's accusers? Is there anything. It's such a shame when she obviously found this thread, in particular, helpful.

Hope things are OK with you. DH home now and things aren't good, but that's mostly my fault. Find myself hurt and angry and not yet able to talk to him about it all

Hope things are going smoothly with you, speak more soon.

Take care

Hi there,

Sorry I've not been on lately, birthdays and kids going back to school etc as well as the laptop being kept upstairs now have all limited my access to the internet . I have been thinking of you though xxx

mogsmum/empressorchid - you sound like you're doing really really well under the circumstances! I suppose one thing is that his work is behind him and supporting his recovery, many civilian workplaces wouldn't be as understanding which is awful but shockingly true I'm afraid. Has DS enjoyed having Daddy home? Please trust me when I say that this really ISN'T your fault!!! I often blame myself when things are really hard but when I've looked back I've realised that it was the illness that did it, not me or DH, the illness. Big big hugs to you, have been thinking of you loads. Is there any chance of any sort of counselling for the both of you together or even on your own? Sounds like DH's work have quite a structural support program for employees so it might be worth finding out? I'm amazed at how little support there is locally for the partners of those going through it with them out there...! I do worry that DH's attitude rubs off on me and have to be really careful not to let myself spiral into a depression too (have had it mildly in the past so maybe I'm prone to it too!?).

My previous marriage was abusive and xh would say all sorts of things to hurt me which in a strange way helps me with DH as I can tell the difference between a nasty bastard and somebody who is saying things whilst ill. Just today, we had an explosion and DH told me (this evening after he had calmed down) that its the first time he has felt like killing himself in a long while. He wouldn't get out of bed (used to be a big issue but not so much these days); and when I told him to stop wallowing in self pity, he freaked out and screamed that he was going to take all our money and run away and leave us. Thankfully there were no dc's around at the time and he has assured me this evening that he wouldn't have gone anywhere. Sadly though, it has happened before (twice) where he has taken all the money out of our bank account and jumped on a train. Each time he has been back within a few hours but I keep any money we have got in a separate account now and even take his cashpoint card away if I sense an episode coming on. Anyway, he cried all day long and is feeling extremely sorry for himself. He confided in me that he can't understand how one day he can't even put the bins out, then the next day he's talking about going on a train!!! He rarely leaves the house apart from well-known places and thats only on good days. I was due to go to my friends and watch over her children this morning and wasn't going to drop it all just because he was having a tantrum. At the same time, I know in my head that its not him, its because he's been on the ad's 2 weeks now and has hit a wall. He was doing so so well up to now but is still going to continue taking them - I'm hoping this dip will pass and we'll start to see all the positive stuff again. (high libido seems to be one of the good things so I'm not complaining!!). Although on a serious note, its worth mentioning that he hasn't got any smoke at the moment and isn't likely to have any for at least a week - he has announced that he wants to give up while he has the opportunity but we'll see. I've heard it all so many times before and haven't got the energy to even hope at this point. He still doesn't see that all this behaviour has been triggered mostly by this fact...

clumsymum - please come back! How awful that you've been railroaded away from mn, how would I complain? Let me know if there's anything I can do, hope things are OK with DH? Glad that legoland went well... xxxxxx

I'm so sorry I've rambled again, not much of it makes sense I'm afraid, I'm just getting it off my chest for now! Not sure if its helping or not!?!

Hope things are going smoothly with you (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) xxx

(gotta dash for now but will definitely start that thread in the next few days...) xxx

PLP - have posted on the support thread you started. Thank you for starting this - it will really help!!

Clumsymum - if you do log on again, please come back.

Hugs to all