seek help or ride it out again?

[Nanoon]

god, where to start............I feel so silly and emotional but i need to get some stuff off my chest and i'm sorry if its a long ramble - please bare with me.

I have two DS (3.11 and 8mth)and DH who I love dearly. Sometimes I am unable to cope with DS1 sometimes spitited behavavour and we clash which results in me loosing my temper (i never hit him)which i hate myself for, I am the adult after all and what horrible lessons am i teaching him. DS2 is an lovely baby but i am due to return to work in 5 week time (PT - 3 days a week)and can't bare the thought of being parted from him. I know alot of people feel like this as i did when i had ds1 but at the moment my time with DS1 can be so hard that i feel sooooooo sad that i will get very little time one on one with DS2 (will have both boys at home on my two days off from work).

I have very few friends and constantly feel inadequate and would give anything to be part of a lovely group of friends. I am friendly but worry so much about saying or doing the wrong thing. I feel like people can see right through me and see how axious i feel. I am not really in touch with anyone who has a child the same age as DS1 apart form SIL. We see quite a bit of them and she has invited me one a number of outings during the summer hols with her group of freinds who are really nice but i feel such a charity case i am almost too ashamed to go. i constantly worry about whether they think i am a good mum and doing and saying the right things with DS1.

I am dreading returning to work because in the past i have had what i think are panic attacks where my throast just tightens up and i can't speak - this is very dibilitating in a meeting or on the phone . I also feel like i can't breath and my arms go numb. I am so scared that this is going to happen.

It all just seems so much at the momonet, i just don't know where to start to out it right. Am i overreating, will i just be told to pull myself together???

Go see your GP.
Take with you a list of exactly what you have written here.
To a non-expert it sounds like you have some form of depression, which with medication will probably recede.
There have been lots of posts on this subject, about not coping/feeling anxious/being harrassed. You are not the only one.
Best of luck.

Please realise that you are a great person who is honest about the common issues we all face as parents!!
I think you are lonely and feel trapped which is leading you into panic and depression.
I believe that you should seek help if you are struggling- I had to go to the gp a few months back as I was suffering severe anxiety which occured not long after the birth of my son I was referred to a counseller ( who had a 4 month waiting list)but since then the anxiety has lifted of its own accord and I dont feel that I need counselling at this moment in time. Recognise that you arent weak as the strongest thing you can do is admit you have a problem and seek help for it!!!
Have you thought about attending mother and baby groups as they really helped me!!! Please believe me when I say you will feel better it may just take some time!!

Hi, thanks for your replies. I do think that you are right and i should go and see my GP, its tempting to try and push it all to one side for a time being but i know it will all resurface in time.

I do go along to mum and baby groups and have met a few nice people but most of these are first time mums and its difficult to organise things that will include my 3 year old, as lovely as he is with babies.

I have just made a phone call that i needed to make and i didn't clam up so i feel i have made a minor acheivment today.

thank you