I just want to post to get it out as I have no one to call

[ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe]

Been out with kids in car. Thought how easy it would have been to crash.

Can't be bothered to do anything.

Can't even talk to DH as very busy at work, working for nothing quite possibly.

I really really miss my nana and feel so alone in the world.

Not sure how much more I can carry on or even if I want too.

I love my kids but that is all.

I don't do anything with them. It isn't their fault there is no money and they have a crap mother.

Sorry for moaning again.
I don't know how to be a mummy and I hate my mother for giving me away and fucking me up.

I just want to sleep for a very long time but the kids are hungry so I have to go and feed them.

Hello.
First, calm yourself with the thought that no-one knows how to be a mum - we all just do our best. The very fact that you didn't crash the car shows you care for your kids, so you are not a crap mother.

Secondly, my counseller gave me some good advice last week which I will pass on - stop stressing about things that you can't change or control. You cannot change the past with regard to your own childhood, but you can control how you treat your kiddies.

Aim small each day. If you have managed to spend 10 minutes colouring with your child, that's an achievement. If you go to the park, that's one too.

Having no money can be grim, but it's not the be all and end all.

Keep posting.

The thing is though, most people had a mum and learnt from what she did. I have no one and am really struggling.

I would rather do anything that actually sit down and do anything with the kids at me [ashamed] as it just doesn't come naturally and I don't know what to do.

I know money isn't the be all but I seriously do not know if DH will get paid next month and we have no savings at all.

my mum wasn't much help when my DS was born, and in fact, my best friend has no contact at all with her mum and she is a fantastic mum, but like all of us, of course she gets flustered at times.

I understad what you mean about things not coming naturally with the kids. People assume it will just magically happen when you have a baby. It certainly didn't with me. How old are your children?

I don't know what your situation is money-wise, but are you getting everything you are entitled to? You can probably get income support if you are not working, and that would help.

No contact is not the same as never having had one in the first place, with all due respect.

I feel like shit tbh and can't go on anymore.

IMMGBSL I can empathise I really can.
No money is a nightmare and feeling grim over missing people who have passed and being a crap mother are all feelings I can understand. I hope you have someone to talk to IRL. I dont know your 'story' but I could have wrote your OP

ok apart from I do have a mum but believe me that is no 'bonus' as she did/does not know how to be a mum unless being selfish and blinkered to shit that happens is the way it goes

Nemo is right to point out that she has felt the same - lots of people have and there is help available.
Does your partner know how you feel?

I know I am feeling sorry for myself but I am also sorry for my kids they have me for their mother.

hubby is amazing but he isn't me.

No one can understand as no one knows my story

just ignore me, i have to just while away the time until bed

my father brought me up, my mother is alive (as far as i know) but i consider her to be dead.

i content myself with the thought that although i often am not the best parent in the world, at least i've had the balls to do my best and i'm probably not half as crap as i think i am.

i think the same applies to you.

be kind to yourself... its not easy this life thing sometimes especially if you are a mum.

feed the kids then put your feet up for a bit if you can...

and hey you cant be that bad if you have an amazing hubby... he must see something in you !

and bet your kids love you whether you take them to fairyland every week or not !

oops disneyland i meant... you can tell my DS has never been there either !

OMG mamaG, i have only just found this.

I cant be here too long just at this moment in time. I could have posted some of the things you said today.

Look, i think you need to talk to someone professional, you need to get some help with whats going on. First call your doctor and see what he advises.

You DO know how to be a mummy because you ARE one, there are no rules, not really - sorry, got to go, DD is literally dragging me away.

Will check on you later, please think about the GP, there is help out there.

Thank you.

Dh came home early

Sent me swimming

DS1 cried as he wanted to come with me

Did 42 lengths.

Got home in time to see kids before they went to bed

DS2 crying for me to put him to bed but I am leaving him as he has to learn to let Daddy do it.

DD is reading

DS1 is upset as DS2 said he had broken his train, DS1 went running to see and slipped and has hurt his back.

well at least the swimming is something to be proud of for the day