Meh

[Zoolie]

er, where to begin?
prepare yourself as this post may be a bit rambling.

i don't know why but i generally feel a bit non-plussed about everything. i don't think i'm depressed but i don't really know what i want anymore.

i am a sahm to a 1yo ds, have a (generally) good dh, lovely family etc.

i don't feel like i am just in always feeling a bit let down or disappointed with my life, the world and people around me.

i always want what's on the next page, the grass is always greener etc.

i feel like i make problems that aren't really there by worrying about things unecessarily, stressing about them. then when i eventually work out how to solve the problem, i have to do it immediately e.g. change job, have a baby, move house.

i think it's worsen since being a sahm but i've always kind of been this way.

i also struggle with my body image. feeling down about the way i look and how people perceive me, doubting myself, overcompensating by being really confident.

i have a very difficult mil and dh and his family are all quite volatile towards each other. unfortunately i am living with them at the moment and i'm not coping.

every time i start feeling low when they arguing or whatever it leads to binging and then more feelings of low self esteem.

i went to see my gp's to see what i can do. they prescribed some books to read, which i did, and some website courses. i am trying to use what i have learned but i can't help but think that it's not working and that it's not right to feel like this.

generally i do feel happy and laugh and joke about all the time with dh and ds but there's always this negative feeling in me. like there's something i should be thinking about that isn't good.

i don't even know what i'm trying to say, it's so hard to explain. does everyone feel this way? what can i do to sort myself out?

hello?

you probably are a bit depressed tbh.

Hey

I'm just like you (and nobody ever seems to respond to my posts either...). I have a great life on the outside - loving husband, gorgeous DS (7mo), nice house, no financial worries etc, but I'm just not happy. That isn't even the right way to put it, I'm just not anything. I don't feel any passion - don't get me wrong, I love my DH and DS, but I feel sometimes that I don't love them as much as I should - I'm very emotionally detached.

On the outside I'm cheerful and funny, people seem to like me, but it's not me. Problem is, I don't know where me went - me gradually disappeared some time between leaving school and now. Now, I just exist. I can't say it's an unpleasant existance, but there's no focus, no passion, no excitement. I just don't really care.

I've tentatively mentioned it a couple of times to people who should be supportive (also mentioned how hard I struggle to actually achieve anything, or finish anything, or hold a coherent thought process together) and they just say something along the lines of "pull yourself together, everyone else does" which always helps.

Does this sound like the sort of thing you mean? I've been asking myself lots of similar questions recently, and I think yes I probably am depressed, but as I'm fairly certain the GP won't really care, I might as well try sorting it out myself.

I've decided that I need some physical and intellectual stimulation. I'm going to try (although this has been planned, and failed several times before) to try and get into a sport that gets me interacting with other people, something that gets me excited, so I'm going to try a local martial arts club. I'm also going to try and do a photography course at the local college - it's an evening course, one night a week for twelve weeks. These should have the combined effect of a) Getting me out of the house, out of the routine. b) Getting me exercising - meant to make you feel better (I try to walk, but I think too much when I walk, and end up feeling even worse by the end of it). c) Getting me using my brain for something other than scanning mumsnet or watching Mock the Week repeats, and d) Maybe give me an opportunity to make some friends?

I'm going to give that a go for a couple of months, then see how I feel after that.

Sorry for hijacking your thread, but what you wrote struck a chord with me. And if nothing else I feel better for having said my spiel

Hi, I know how you feel too - I am off work at the mo with a 5 yr & 2 yr old (got issues going on at work) Do you think you're suffering with low self-esteem ?

Part of me has gone & like Naetha I am probably depressed.

The advice to do something is very good, it's just actually getting out & doing something.

Do you have close friends you can talk to ?

Sorry not much help, just wanted to add something...