need distracting - anyone around?

[paperchain]

cant go into it all

but desperately need distracting

thank you

What do you mean?

I cut so I feel bad giving advice on not too - seems hypocritical.

Think of hassle it will be, think of pain it will cause. Or don't think. i internet and watch a film quite a lot so there is no space in my head to think. Loud music and driving helps (but not practical for you).

sorry smurfgirl I didnt explain myself properly - I meant what else is there to do to distract us?

I wasnt asking for you to tell me not to cut

in fact, it wasnt sh that was the main problem when I started this thread

oh I dont know

its all a mess

I cant do this any more

thansk

its just I thought I was doing okay, I thought I had made a significant step forward

and I realise now it was all a farce

all an act

and if this is it, then I dont want it

trouble is its not about forweard or back any more it is about remainging upright

oh dear I have now managed to depress myself. Damn

im sorry paperchain.i needed to walk away for a while.hope you understand.i hope your alright.

it's funny how the stresses mount up

in the past I would have really stresed about water pouring through my kithcen ceiling but right now I just think, well, hey, what else?

It's actually quite funny now come to think of it

the kitchen is a mess and has been since the first week in feb when the first leak was discovered. There is no floor and no units

so what does another load of water comoing through the ceiling from the bathroom through the lights matter?

I suppose that is someone somehwhere's idea of distrsacting me

is there another way of looking at it?

anyway it donst matter I havfe other plans now

the old coping strategies

unfortunatley you cannot help, I wish you could!

I dont want you to say anyting in particular, I am just chatting

Let's close this thread now.

Thank you.

DONT BE SILLY!!!!

YOU ARE NOT USELESS (and yes I AM shouting!!!!) It has been great to chat

thank you for your email addy btw {{{{}}}

I have done already....

I have an email address on my profile, if you would like to use that. I'm so sorry that the ocean has opened up around you again, just as you were doing so well. What's all this about leaks in the ceiling?

thansk DO - I had a month of doing well, maybe ti was asing too much for more than that?

You did well keeping things going for a month, but it is also to be expected that you have set backs. Yours is a tough life and if it gets even marginally better, you have something to build on. Even if it feels as if you are back to square one, that is not quite true, because you have reached square three already...if that makes any sense.

A difficult eventful turbulent day became a stupid evening which in turn became a horrible night. I went to bed very early after drinking too much and mixing my pills. Then dh came to bed at 1.30am and woke me. I couldnt get back to sleep so took more sleeping pills. Not a good idea so late in the night so now I am walking around in a haze. Then DS2 got up.

This morning things are very bad here.
DH has removed the toys from the bin that I had thrown away - after my numberous threats to the children about behaviour/attitude/respect etc and the consequences of not listening and learning and doing what I say. I am furious with dh and have now said some horrible things to the children.

So today I have an assessment at home and my kitchen celing is hanging down, the floor is wet, although the lights have stopped dripping with water - plus there is no plaster on the walls and no units etc and a bit hole in the corner because of the leak discovered in February. The bathroom floor is still wet under the lino but I cant bear to rip it all up and expose yet another problem to deal with. Plus of course the recent bad relationship and discussions with my children is very evident.

I wish I could be distracted from everything. Right now I dont care if I never see any of them ever again. And in 9 days time they are going away. I cant wait.

Today is likely to be another long day.