Can't hold it together - any advice

[Hoo]

Suffer from terrible health anxiety (has me screaming in terror at its worst and unable to interact with anyone). Been seeing a psychiatrist for 6 months and taking ADs. A month ago he changed the prescription to Velafaxine, which after reading about it, I decided not to take. He then prescribed Fluoxetine with diazepam. GP will only give a very small number of diazepam tablets and
Fluoextine has increassed anxiety.

I stoped taking all ADs for a couple of weeks but felt to terrible (rage all the time) that I started again. I have reached the point where I just can't seem to cope with it any longer and don't feel I can make it through another bad episode.

I don't mean that I am contemplating jumping off a bridge or anything, but have found myself becoming increasingly reckless (eg driving way too fast around bends on country lanes(never with the dcs and always where I can see there are no other cars on the road)). I just don't seem to care what the outcome is.

I know all this is very wrong, mad and stupid but I can't seem to find a way out. I have terrible health anxieties at the moment, but can't bear another round of seeing doctors or having tests (as am convinced have had so many scans etc that have already hugely increased risk of dying).

Does anyone have any kind of advice to offer - apart from to pull myself together (the need for which I am well aware of).

Not my usual nickname by the way - too ashamed to post under that!

[GooseyLoosey]

Thanks very much for asking both of you. No, not a great day today, but am going away tomorrow so have high hopes for that!

I am thinking about changing GP. In some ways he is very good - I'm guessing that he has suffered from depression himself so he "gets it". But in other ways I think he feels that I must feel just the way he did/does and clearly that is not the case.

Just can't see where and how life got to be this hard!