Do you feel that what you do is 'good enough'?

[Janni]

I really struggle with ever feeling that what I do in a day is 'good enough', to the point where I am starting to feel there's no point in having aspirations beyond being a stay at home mother of three, as no matter how much I achieve, I'll still feel dissatisfied with myself.

My father was highly critical and domineering. Nothing my mother did was good enough. I think I've internalised that and really don't know how to get past it. I had therapy before I had children to help with an eating disorder. I did recover, eventually, but continue to just feel 'not good enough' and am getting to the point where I'm not making much effort with anything because I never feel satisfied with what I've done.

Does anyone else recognise these feelings?

In answer to your question - never. I work hard, am trying my best as a mum and wife, but feel I continue to let everyone down.Just done camp with a bunch of children and have spent today wondering if I have ruined their one weekend off they get each year. Hope you get some help. Keep working towards your goals.

I struggle with feelings of not being good enough. It's quite normal, you know - the world is a competitive place and there are always people more skilled and competent than you at everything you choose to do, so it's quite hard to step back and say "I have worked hard enough today" and be satisfied with what you have achieved ie see your glass half full rather than half empty.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a SAHM of three - that is already a huge and responsible job, especially if you have no/little paid help and/or family support.

Is anything particular getting you down? Are there "danger areas" you need to tackle? Could you perhaps reprioritise what you do so that you can do something different and get lingering jobs sorted out?

Oh, I know what you mean. Like you, janni, I recovered from an eating disorder (anorexia) and am getting more confident, btu still have high expectations of myself and of life in general. Of course, these are unrealisable therefor I am prone to depression.

I think most people will recognise these feelings to a certain extent. If they are becoming problematic though, it might be worth some top-up therapy to stop things escalating?

Thanks for your replies. I have been toying with the idea of having some more therapy as I do feel a bit stuck. My youngest is three and I plan to return to work when she starts school next year, but unless I sort out my head I'll have three children, a job and STILL feel nothing I do is good enough! The weird thing is, I'm NOT a competetive person, I don't want to be the best, I just never feel good enough...if that makes sense.

Janni - does anyone around you ever give you a pat on the back for what you do? How does your DH feel about all that you do for your family? Does he appreciate you?

Yes he does, he really tries hard to show appreciation, but it sort of washes over me. I don't really accept praise.

Oh god yes!

I frequently tell my dh to dh to piss off and stop 'interfering' on certain things (he is so inconsistent)

I had a domineering father, he has a domineering mother.

Ah. Then maybe you need to work on accepting praise and appreciation more gracefully? So you actually take on board that others value you - it would help you value yourself more...

Thanks Anna - you are right, I don't know why it's so hard to do.