Im not sure of the law missing1life, but the police force would absolutely not be able to discriminate against you because you have been on ADs. Please get some help, that is a terribly scary story about your aunty, scary because there but for the grace of God go i!. I lost it, its only when i look back that i can see i was verging on post natal psychosis. The doctors don't know the half of it .
So, you have been given St Johns wort. This works by increasing the amount of seratonin in the body. Seratonin is a protein that promotes a feeling of calm and is produced by the brain to combat feelings of anxiety. (i think), what i do know is this, when people are depressed, they produce significantly less seratonin. Cause or effect? possibly both, it certainly becomes a vicious circle. Seratonin is released by one neuron and picked up by another - there is a gap between the neurons, the seratonin is released and then picked up by receptors on the second neuron. The amount of receptors that a cell has on its surface is governed by the amount of seratonin trying to get in, if there is not so much, then fewer receptors are synthesised and therefore can take less. This works in a kind of feedback loop, so its a real vicious circle, the less we produce, the less we utilise. The releasing cell has receptors that grab up any excess seratonin that is not taken up by the second cells. So, this can lessen the time seratonin is in the gap, so to speak - our bodies are pretty efficient. So, what is not known is how well the seratonin, or seratonin type chemical in St Johns wort (In fact i think its a building block of seratonin)is taken up by the brain. There are a group of anti depressants out there that work by stopping the reuptake receptors from working so well, and this means the seratonin stays in the gap between cells longer, more is picked up by the second cell so more receptors are made and this feeds back that more seratonin is needed so we make more.
Personally i would be more dubious of St Johns wort, which is not without its side effects than the type of AD that i have described here. I take one called citalopram, prozac is another. Citalopram seems to be the drug of choice just now as it has fewer side effects.
ADs do have side effects and don't suit everyone. But most people find the benefit outweighs any problem and they do tend to wear off. Please think about this, you don't have to go through this alone. You are definately not alone in this illness. It is an illness and nothing to be ashamed of.
Don't leave this, the longer pnd goes untreated, the longer it takes to get sorted. I didnt get any help until my DD was nearly two, i nearly lost my partner because of my behaviour and i honestly thought the world was out to get me. I did get physical with my anger, thank God never to DD.
Go and talk to your doctor again, i had my prescription for two weeks before i picked it up, then the tablets for a further week because i read the data sheet and the side effects are scary, but so are the ones on lemsip if you care to look . I have not looked back, they are not a miracle cure, but i do feel like LEM again, i don;t know who i became but she was scary, and scared. I still have problems and this is because i havent received adequate counselling. This is where i would say to you, ask to see a counsellor, a CBT counsellor if you possibly can.
I have told my DP, and some close friends about my illness - i couldnt tell my mum, she would freak out as she wouldnt understand.
I don't know when you will be better im afraid, it can be a long journey, mine has, my friend wanted to have her son adopted and felt she hated him, she took prozac for a few months and this all slipped away for her. She caught it early as she had PND with her first too, got it treated and it sorted itself much more quickly. I left mine and it took longer.
I think what you say about not doing affection is very sad, i do know what you mean though. Im not a touchy person and i made it very clear to my doctor that i didnt want sympathy, just concrete help.
Also, Mumsnet is my lifeline, the support i have received here is unbelievable. There is always someone to listen, and often someone to kick my arse.
Sorry, i have verbal diorreah today.