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DP has had a shit day at work, he is stressed so.......I feel sick!!

36 replies

lucyellensmum · 08/07/2008 18:30

What is going on with me, i do this all the time. If he is stressed it stresses me out beyond anything that happens to me, if that makes any sense. It is not like he is going to come home behaving like an arse, he might be a bit quiet and short but thats it. But its ME, i go into a predictable cycle instead of just saying, there there dear, you have had a bad day, i start on the whole "well i told you not to do xyz" "why didn't you" over and over until he end up shouting and getting upset. Why can't i back off and grow up and realise that he might just want some help/ampathy than a stress pig of a DP.

So, he comes in having had a cock up at work, fetched something he needs to put it right, and moaned about what he had done and said he was pissed off, gave me a kiss and said he would be back soon, he wont be late cos he has had enough. So, theres not much wrong with that hey

So why do i feel: Sick, dry mouthed, heart racing, fingers tingling,like i want to crawl into bed and not get up, like i want to take some extra anxiety tabs that i have been prescribed but too frightened of side effects. Im already on citalopram.

What is going on with my head?? Its his problem not mine, he is entitled to share, but why do i make it OUR problem by acting like a three year old. Its like i get angry with him for causing me anxiety - poor sod. Help me to make him feel better tonight, not make him feel shitty like i normall do, then i end up feeling bad and start posting self pitying bullshit on here.

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AMAZINWOMAN · 09/07/2008 16:17

I'm the same when other people are stressed, I get stressed too. I pick up on their anxiety. But this compassion and empathy I have, means people always tell me thier problems as I'm a good listener too.

You sound like you have lots of empathy for your husband and other people. Be proud of it!

AMAZINWOMAN · 09/07/2008 16:17

I'm the same when other people are stressed, I get stressed too. I pick up on their anxiety. But this compassion and empathy I have, means people always tell me thier problems as I'm a good listener too.

You sound like you have lots of empathy for your husband and other people. Be proud of it!

lucyellensmum · 09/07/2008 16:24

lulu, thankyou - that is a very good point. You are so right. I think the point i am making though is, that i recognise all of what you say as being true. I want to help, i want to be there for him and i dont want to make things worse. It honestly wasn't even such a big deal the thing he was stressed over yesterday, he sorted it out. Now our boiler has packed in and we dont have any money for anotehr one, but i can cope with that. Its just the being scared - how can I stop that? I knew it was irrational, when i tried to tell DP, he said what are you scared of, he said that he felt he should leave because i am scared of him, which is of course ridiculous as he has never laid a finger on me. But i am just scared, there is no reason for it, im scared, all of the time. Its like someone has just let a balloon off behind me, except i feel like that all the time, especially when i wake up. I need the doctors to take me seriously, but i am begining to wonder what i have to do to get them to do more than just send me away with another box of pills.

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lulumama · 09/07/2008 16:39

the feeling of anxiety and terror is awful it is so crippling and prevents you from doing anything as you are always on edge.

demand a second opinion

ask for a referral to a psychiatrist

get DP to come with you and stamp your feet and get more support

can you make use of homestart/ sure start in your area for some support?

did you sort out all the tax credit stuff?

it is really important to reward yourself for doing stuff , rather than kick yourself for what you have not done

lucyellensmum · 09/07/2008 16:41

lulu i did do all of that yes, and we get the full award. Which has meant we can actually pay our mortgage . I want to get a job, but how can i when im too scared to get out bed in the morning. I do it, but im honestly terrified.

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lucyellensmum · 09/07/2008 19:34

DP is a star, he mended the boiler thats one less thing to worry about.

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ChippyMinton · 09/07/2008 19:49

LEM - have emailed you re the sun hols - URGENT & EXCITING! Hope it cheers you up
chippy x

lucyellensmum · 09/07/2008 20:24

i have just received this, thankyou SO much, i am almost in tears sat here. DP is putting DD to bed and its TORTURE waiting for him so we can book up, thankyou thankyou thankyou

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ChippyMinton · 09/07/2008 20:26

You are most welcome. I had no idea you were having such a bad time until I came stalking
where are you thinking of going? Did you get the pull-out thing in the paper today? If not there is a website that lists all the sites. We are going to the isle of wight

lucyellensmum · 09/07/2008 23:11

i have just emailed you chippy, we nearly chose the isle of wight, but i was too nervous about the ferry crossing . We are going to Devon and its going to be mad (Haven)! Soo grateful. Still can't believe it. You have made me smile - thankyou.

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lucyellensmum · 09/07/2008 23:14

I make lemon cake too, yours looks better than mine, i can never quite get the icing right - hey ho, it tastes good

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