bad mum

[roseability]

My son (2.3) is normally a delight so I have no excuse for losing my patience and being a bit rough with him this morning. The last few nights he has been waking up and this morning he woke up before 5 and wouldn't go back even in our bed. I was changing his nappy on the living room floor and grabbed him by both arms and shoved/threw him onto sofa. I also snapped and snarled at him. I did apologise afterwards and give him a big hug but I feel terrible.

I have had anxiety and was on meds but have been feeling calm and happy. I am generally patient with my son and we have a great relationship/bond despite a rocky start. I was facing a night shift tonight (I have now called in sick) and I am going to visit my parents at the weekend and we don't have a great relationship, so I suppose I was just sleep deprived and a bit more stressed than normal but I do beat myself up. I love him so much but is this normal? Do other mums do this?

YES !

have posted on your other thread.

dont be too harsh on yourself.

All mums lose it sometimes.
What makes the difference is how you deal with it.
You were aggressive which obviously isn't the best option but now you can take measures to make sure that doesn't happen again.
You obviously feel bad about it and apologising was the right thing to do. He needs to know Mummy still loves him and what she did was wrong, now you can both move on and you can work on your triggers, when you feel like this again, find something else to do, walk away and calm down.
Don't worry, it will be fine, sleep deprivation messes with the best of us!

Crikey, I once had to lock myself in the bathroom when dd1 was about 3 cos I honestly thought I might slap her
I didn't but the urge was strong.
I have to remind myself when she does stuff that irritates me that she is young, she's 4 1/2 now,, but was always a good talker, and tall and I expected too much of her. More than she could do, do you do that? It is very easy to do.
My mum has told me stories of my little brother, who was a nightmare baby, that she used to have to walk out the room for 5 mins, have a cofffee then go back, or she'd have lost it with him. He used to scream himself purple.
Sorry rambling a bit, the thing is, we all get like this, I am MUCH worse when my sleep is disturbed in the night and I am tired.
Some days I have to try very hard not to snap, don't beat yourself up, show him how much you love him the rest of the time. DD1 will now say "Are you a bit grumpy today mummy?"

Yes I think it probably is normal to feel like this sometimes but it is a taboo area that not all mums will talk openly about in RL. I think when you're stressed/sleep deprived or haven't had a break for a while you can just snap sometimes and it isn't really direct anger at the little one, just pent up feelings you need to express/lash out and unfortunately they are the ones we are with most. I suppose the maternal love/instinct stops you going too far and really hurting them but those red spots of rage blind you temporarily. I don't do it that often and I always say sorry and cuddle afterwards but undoubtedly the best thing is to walk away. I love the idea of walking out and having a coffee

Well I got through the morning and he is asleep now, so I will relax for a while. Thanks again for your offers of support.

Didn't mean 'unfortunately they are the ones we are with most'! Meant because we are with them most unfortunately they are the ones we sometimes lash out at