I feel like a complete freak..............................................

[blushingm]

I just can't stop thinking and dreaming about stuff. eg having an affair, killing people, sexually abusing my kids.....just goes on. I feel so guilty for these thoughts and dreams being in my head - i must b a horrible person to even imagine stuff like this - whart can i do?

Its not that you are desiring these things. Your brain is coming up with the worst possible things it can imagine, I assume, because you feel that you deserve punishing in some way. Try to forgive yourself for thinking these things, and for any other misdemeanor you think you are terrible for having done. Plenty of forgiveness, exercise and distraction and I bet you see an improvement in a couple of weeks. I speak from experience. xxxxxx

you can stop beating yourself up over it for one thing. I do this, especially under pressure. I think you just tend to think the most inappropriate thoughts imaginable, i wonder if it is a protection mechanism. I once said to a friend of mine, "you know what, sometimes i get an uncontrollable urge to punch people and stuff" he just carried on drinking his coffee and said, Oh, i thought it was just me!

If it bothers you considerably, as in you can't shake it, go and speak to your doctor, nbut only if it bothers you - i think its normal.

what would you think if some one said all of this to you?
What would be your advice to them?

these sort of morbid thoughts can be a sign of anxiety or OCD. There's a very useful book on this topic called "Imp of the Mind - the Silent Epidemic of Obsessive thoughts" by Lee Baer (written primarily for sufferers of OCD). Everyone has these type of unpleasant thoughts - just that if you are feeling unhappy already then they can set in - and if you get anxious feel that you are a bad person for having the thoughts then that just feeds the problem.

i might take a look at that too TC, now i come to think of it, i haven't had this to any significant level since starting taking citalopram.

i have been told i have ocd - i might go look on amazon for that book - why does my brain think these things......i don't want to do them but i think abut then all the time - i even feel guilty changing dd nappy just in case i get tempted. i told my consultants registrar at the hospital but she's just training. I've tried 3 different AD's plus an add odd but i still feel terrible - maybbe there is just no hope

if someone said this to me i'd be shocked and disgusted

if you do more reading about this sort of OCD - this sort of unpleasant thought is not that unusual - just people find it easier to say they are compulsively checking/handwashing etc.

if the ADs aren't helping, then you could ask to see a CPN or psychologist for CBT - CBT is an alternative to meds for OCD.

i've also had cbt with a cpn - i found it very diffficult to stop negative thoughts she talked about schemas (sp?) and stuff and logically thinking i know it's unreasonable etc but i ccan't help it

My biggest obsession is breast feeding and how i'm such a failure cos i didn't do it fpr long and everything that happens to dd or ds is because i failed at the most natural thing in the world - stupid eh?

I've had the schema type of CBT - but that was once I had got on top of the OCD - my personal view is that the schema stuff is too general to do much for OCD, that you need more specific therapy to work on the thoughts. it's not so much about stopping the negative thoughts - as about trying not to go into panic mode which means you end up trying to outreason them, living your life to avoid triggering them - as all this anxiety just feeds the thoughts - once you get your anxiety levels down, and start to accept that the thoughts are unpleasant but don't mean anything, just your mind playing unpleasant tricks on you, then that should help.

but is it or am i really terrible - how do i know - i always feel ike i'm blagging it and will be found outn - is this really ocd or am i just disgusting

sorry for all this i just find it so hard to speak to people in rl

i dont have any advice, just support, you are not alone, i often have dreams/thoughts about the dc's dieing, dh having an affair, the house being burgled etc.

you didn't fail, just a day of bf'ing is better than nothing and you cant blame yourself for what happens to your dc's, i bf my ds2 but hes had recurrent bronchiolitis since he was 9 days old, so whatever has happened would probbly have happened whether you'd fed for longer or not

i'm thinking of you

the whole blagging it thing is dead dead common. not even IMO always related to mental health problems.

oh people are being so kind -