Adult daughter struggling with depression and poor support from mental health services

[TheDarkSidewithSparkles]

Sorry, I don't know whether I want advice or just to vent really..

Trigger for depression, self harm and suicidal ideation

DD in early 20s is bouncing around the system not really being helped - she has been on ADs for 3 years but they are no longer working so she is tapering off them.

She has ASD and is opposed to trying a new AD but I think if she had a consultation with a calm doctor she would probably try other things. (She is very lacking in faith because of terrible CAHMS experiences when younger and a very badly handled inpatient stay in adult psychiatry when she was just 18 and had tried to kill herself)

But all she seems to get are different practitioners who tell her that because she hasn't tried to kill herself recently she is ok and doesn't need any help. They have suggested a yoga group to help emotional regulation - the group is miles away from where we live but services are for the whole county so it's just tough

In desperation I have borrowed money to try for a private psychiatrist appointment but they all have a month long wait.

I know the system is in crisis, was talking to a mental health nurse who basically said sorry its all broken and they feel terrible about it but they can't help people like DD.

It's worse at night and nobody get enough sleep.

I don't know what to do

Several MH team people said it, in quite a blasé fashion, looking back.. it was horrible.

Do you work in MH support likelysuspect?

Sorry, should I search you (that always feels a bit creepy)

That is my hope!

And some of them seem to be the same ones that are part of the NHS MH team too.. don't know if that's a good thing or not tbh

It must be so demoralising to work in NHS MH and know that you are not able to provide the level of care required.

Im not surprised, thats quite unusual. There is a huge amount of work to prevent people with ASD being admitted to hospital, its recognised as causing harm. However that is not always a good thing, but that is the working model at the moment.

If was was under S3, she should be entitled to s117 aftercare, what was set out about that care do you remember?

You can search me if you like!!

I wort in statutory services so we have a large number of children on the spectrum and with these presenting behaviours. Their parents as well, so theres a range of medical interventions, views, theories and not one agrees with another! I spent around 20 years working in psychiatric hospitals though so its my grounding and my interest.

She didn't get sectioned - that was the threat basically, do what we tell you or you will be sectioned and your mum won't be here to help you.

She was there voluntarily but if she had tried to leave they would call the police and section her.

It was 3ish years back

Thank you - no creepy thread trawling (not that I have the energy) I promise.

I think because DD is verbal and very eloquent when calm, she doesn't get recognised as having ASC at first encounter.

These days she refuses to talk to new medical people until I have done the intro detailing diagnosis and medication etc then she starts talking when she has had a chance to eyeball them first.

On that note - I am not being rude but it's time for the night shift to start. That's the most dangerous time for DD.

Trying to be calm and work towards sleep etc so I will be offline until tomorrow.

Thank you for engaging with me everyone - I know it's not fixable but I feel less alone.

Good luck with the private doctor OP. I hope you and your family have a peaceful night.

I was terrified that our daughter might take her life, she’s had a lot of health problems (gynae). She wasn’t believed for many years and gas lit. I decided to use Psychiatry UK and got an appointment very quickly with a psychiatrist. It was a zoom call for an hour, he picked up on a lot and diagnosed complex PTSD, and possible ADHD, he referred her onto the psychiatry Uks NHS waiting list for an ADHD assessment. He prescribed some anti psychotic medication along with her anti depressants.

The assessment was carried out by the same consultant with his NHS hat on, which was great continuity. She’s waiting for medication now, hopefully it won’t be too long. She’s in a better place but not there yet. She’s also able to titrate the dosage for the anti psychotics down as per the consultant, she can’t take them with ADHD medication. I’m so glad I called them, I’m not sure where she’d be now. Also we went to CAHMS when she was still at school and they were useless, complete waste of everyone’s time.

I feel your pain and frustration, it’s exhausting trying to navigate what the best course of action is, it’s awful, I would go for a drive with the music so loud and scream, I needed to let all the anger out. I hope you’re able to work something out for your daughter and yourself. You take care and look after yourself, like me your daughter is depending on you to guide her through these terrible times. Take care 🌺

I hope your daughter gets he medication sorted soon and the situation improves for you both.

My DD doesn't do well with online or phone consultation, she is much more likely to respond in person - not sure if that is an ASC related thing or just how she is.

We also share the bad CAHMS experience sadly.

I think DD slept ok but I will get the details later as she is still sleeping.

Hi @TheDarkSidewithSparkles. Hope you and your DD managed to sleep OK. Have you booked up a psychiatric assessment now?

I have left a request for one.. she also has a GP appointment tomorrow so we will see what help that is..

Good luck with that.

I don't have high hopes tbh

The GP probably is very limited in what they can do other than re-refer you to the NHS services which have already let her down.

As sad as it is and as others have said, there just isnt enough resource in the NHS.
I work somewhere that there are waiting lists of up to 80 people waiting to be allocated a key worker in one team, thats to even be seen. Teams are small, need is so big. Staff burnout is high and morale is low and its a viscous circle. Understaffed teams trying to manage very high caseloads of unwell people = broken system. One someone is seen they cannot be kept on forever, they need to be discharged back to the GP at some point and then rereferred back if needed, and so it starts again. Then you get people who cannot or will not engage, nothing can be done so they are discharged. There literally isnt the manpower to support everyone that needs it. Its awful and something needs to change.

Yes I work in MH but also have a family member who was 'failed' by the system. The context is fldifferent whether i put the work or family hat on.

I really hope your daughter gets the support she needs.

I guess time will tell. I wish you all the best with everything.

I think it's probably a self feeding monster now too.. no appropriate help is available at early stages leading to a patients needing inpatient beds which is more expensive than outpatient treatment.

I know there are some lovely and dedicated people working in MH care, I have met wonderful people and they usually say the same thing about funding and a collapsing system.

Doesn't help though 🙁