For my PIP claim?
I was awarded PIP 2 years ago based on my mental health issues, eating disorder and autoimmune diseases.
When I had my assessment my only paper 'diagnosis' were anxiety and depression (I bet you are rolling your eyes already) but I am seriously unwell mentally as well as ND and in the last few years I have had a lot of input from my GP and therapists after a seriously traumatic family even about 4 years ago brought everything to a head.
Because I have been engaging with my Doctor and trying to keep a record of my thoughts I have since been diagnosed with OCD.
I previously had several rounds of CBT therapy for 'genral anxiety ' that I can now see was actually OCD going back 2 decades :(
Over the last few months I have had Tier 3 talking therapy (which was originally going to be for the OCD but the therapist decided to do intense talking therapy first because of disclosures I made about childhood and the traumatic event from 4yrs ago, then another course focusing on the OCD afterwards)
So I have been talking a lot about my abusive childhood and how debilitating my issues are in my day to day life.
I mentioned to my GP a while ago about PTSD and he said the NHS is moving away from making those diagnosises now and wouldn't refer me, he said he cannot diagnose PTSD. But everything I read online says to go to your GP for a referal and nothing about them not doing that anymore
Anyways since starting the talking therapy I feel like it has worsened, to the point where a song from my childhood caused me to go back to a memory and I totally spaced out into that bad place as a kid and I urinated myself in the kitchen. Its happened twice in the last few weeks.
I said all this to my therapist who agrees I have severe signs of PTSD but she also said she cannot diagnose me.
Because of my OCD my brain latches on to any negative connotations and of course there has been a lot about PIP in the news lately.
I can't help but feel like my 'diagnosis' of 'anxiety and depression' do not represent what is going on in my life and those things are a symptom of a more serious mental halth struggle, rather than stand alone issues.
And I keep reading that people with anxiety need to get a grip and get a job etc... and they're going to cut down benefits for people who claim for anxiety etc...
I just can't stop thinking about it at all and the NHS doesn't seem to have an interest in me seeing someone who could look at my life as a whole and give me a diagnosis rather than a GP just telling me I am anxious (when I have been suffering from OCD for almost 20 years without them ever putting 2 + 2 together)
I don't feel 'safe' right now at all and my head is spiralling with the worry of losing my PIP. With the shame and embarrassment of reading what a waste of space I am, over and over and with the frustration of knowing that I am not just a bit anxious, there is something bigger going on and I want help.
And the fear that I am going to be forced intondoing something I can't deal with right now just because I don't have the right words on paper.
I feel like treatment for PTSD is very different and it could actually help me if i got the proper diagnosis and therapy.
But the assessment will probably cost in the 4 figures and its a lot of money.
I have therapy tomorrow, does anyone know if NHS therapists can help refer to other services for diagnosis?
Its 3.30am and I just can't sleep thinking about it all :(