How can we get help for our adult daughter in crisis?

[DistantMum]

New poster but long-term lurker here, hoping for some advice.

DD (30) has a long and complicated history of anxiety, drinking too much, impulsive life choices etc. She lives in a town on the other side of the country from us and is currently having what seems from a distance like a full on nervous breakdown following a messy break-up.

i don’t want to go into too many details but she has barely eaten for weeks and we are worried that she now has an eating disorder.

She phones us several times a day in tears, only to end calls the second we say something she doesn’t like.
She refuses all our offers of help (other than financial). She says she has seen a doctor and been given new medication but it doesn’t seem to have made any difference.
DS lives about an hour away from her and sees her often but she usually ends up walking out on him.

Can anyone suggest a way we can try and get help for her? I am at my wits’ end.

Thank you.

Thank you. We will just keep trying.

No - she quit her job. That’s part of the problem.

Yes, that’s happened before. But at least we would know where she was…

So sorry you are going through this. Cant begin to imagine how tough and terrifying this must be for you.

If you told her that you are coming to pick her up tomorrow to bring her home for a short break, what would she say? I would try to bring her to yours so you can feed her, look after her and get her the rest and help she needs.

Yes, exactly this. She can’t make decisions.

Sorry, haven’t learned how to edit a comment. I think she walks out on DS whenever the conversation gets too difficult (just as she hangs up on us). She just has enough.

I think we may have to do that, but I don’t know how she would react.

Can you go to see her? Book into a local hotel for a few days and look after her as much as she will let you.

In that case you need to step in and make them for her.

Thank you, everyone, for your advice and support. DD has agreed to come home for a while, so we’ll see where we go from there x

I am in a similar situation and I have to say coming home is not without problems. The main issue we have had is getting support from mental health here as my dd is deemed out of area and the health team in her area won’t do anything as she is out of area.
its ok if she agrees to support privately and you can afford it. My dd wants to bury her head and be left alone. Living with someone who is that unwell with no support is extremely draining.
the difficulty is they are adults and we can’t help them if they don’t want to be helped.
i hope you have better luck than we are having.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this @Hadenough2022 - it sounds tough x
I’m expecting it to be difficult, but that’s going to be the case whatever happens.
I hope you and your DD are okay.

How is she funding her living arrangements?

That's fantastic news.