Care job affecting my mental health and I feel overworked

[PackHamFan]

My job is really beginning to affect my mental health. I work in care and there were some things and conditions before that I wasn't entirely happy with before but I continued on and focused on the positives.

This week has just been unreal. I don't know if it's the heatwave or what not. The lady I work for is worse than ever before just shouting orders at me. If she had half of a chance she would likely piss down my back or into my face. Ok, she wouldn't but she is worse now this week than ever before. Breaks even for water during this heatwave is limited. Bi am just expected to keep on going and going and going and work late while she eats at barbeques.

The sun is now beginning to make me sick too with migraines and I am in work hosesnyk ready to have a mental health breakdown and I am just not feeling well. The demands just keep going and going and going.

To make it worse I am supposed to provide a live in stint for this weekend too for a full week without even a day off and I realize now that the person I am working for just doesn't respect me as a person or worker. There's no way I am being painful appropriately to give up my live to work weeks on end like this.

I would just get signed off sick and apply for other jobs. Give them notice whilst off sick.

But they aren’t paying her for the hours she works, very likely taking her under NMW. She didn’t sign up to a live in role - so yes if the family don’t want to care that’s their choice, but they do need to pay properly for the care and follow employment law.

I’d go back to what you’re contracted to do, explain that the arrangement has drifted and your T&Cs haven’t kept up. That they will need to make other arrangements outside of the 40 hours you’re contracted for. No overnights or live in arrangements. Put it in writing to them along with your hours each week for the past month. They can either pay you the hours they owe or you’ll take it a time off in lieu and they can fill the gaps in care. Stop treating their requests like law, tell them no. They aren’t paying you so you’re under no obligation.

OP, speak to the care company and tell them you need breaks, how do they expect you yo go all day without food and water,?

That is inhumane, there is a chance the service user is taking advantage but the organisation you work for need to stick to health & Safety regulations and what you described is very very dodgy.

Speak to a manager of the care company or local authority (council) soon, they are there to support you as a carer as well as the service user.

I don't understand why you've been working many more hours than you're being paid for? Why aren't they paying you overtime? Why do you keep doing it? I don't understand at all.

People seem to think that this is something I can just stop when a certain hour comes and I get to walk out and that's not the case. I am often left with situations where they just won't come home to take over.

Just quit, there are many care workers needed with clients who will respect you, give set shifts and pay better I suspect. My dsd has 24/7 care and I don’t recognise anything you write, her team have set hours, work in a team and have proper working conditions via an agency. I also have friends who own an agency who aren’t anything like you described

Give them a months notice or whatever your contract says, meanwhile apply for jobs, you won’t have a problem getting a better job

It is admirable of you to stay on and make sure your client is ok. You shouldn’t be left in that position. But why aren’t you then speaking to the family and saying you won’t do that again? How many times has this happened?

You have described occasions when they inform you that plans have changed for future weeks, for example requiring you to do live-in work - that is your opportunity to say no, I do not agree to that.

Are they paying you officially and sorting out tax etc correctly?

So much complaining when the solution is ever so simple!

I think part of the difficulty is that I agreed to this current live-in week because I genuinely believed I would get some recovery time afterwards. A few weeks ago it was indicated that the week after their holiday would be much quieter and I took that to mean I would get at least some time off. That is what was implied to me at the time.

What has upset me is that while I'm still in the middle of this live-in stint, I've now been told next week. None of that was discussed with me beforehand. It was presented as a reminder, but I don't remember ever agreeing to it.

I appreciate that people will say I should simply refuse, but this isn't a new job where I started last month. I've been involved with this family for many years and the expectations have gradually increased over time. My experience has been that when I try to set boundaries, it doesn't go down well.

The issue for me isn't that they want more time away for their social and recreational life, It's that I am in the middle of completing, an intensive live-in period and there seems to be no discussion at all about when I get a proper break. There expectations if for me to work from the 19th of July right up until the 1st or 2nd of July without a day off. I never signed up for that. Right now this situation has turned into an entitlement from them if I give an inch they will take a mile but not only that it's showing a huge disrespect towards me as a person, worker and carer. It leave me in a bad situation too. Do I keep pushing now when I know I am likely reaching breaking point and burn out, do I try and set boundaries or will I take sick leave and just leave them to it. It should be have to be like this. Any reasonable employer would respect employment law on hours and days. I see greed and selfishness where the only thing they care about is themselves. I feel bad for their disabled family person.

You have posted about this situation before haven’t you? The advice you have been repeatedly given is to go sick and leave the family to make emergency arrangements. I would just message saying you are going home sick so they have to arrange emergency cover.

Then start applying for other jobs. You can self certify for the first week off and then you see GP to get signed off after that.

You don’t need to keep explaining how shitty they are. We get it. But you either put up with it or you leave. I really hope you do leave today. You deserve better.

Yes it’s a really shitty situation but you seem to expect them to do the right thing when they have no incentive to do so.

They may have expectations but what happens when you just say “I’m not doing that”. Even in a live in situation you’re entitled to breaks - so explain that for X hours you will be on your break and their relative will be left unattended so they need to make arrangements. They also need to pay you properly.

You’re not a hostage there, tell them you are unwell, you are going home at X time and they need to arrange alternative care. They are so out of order bit if you don’t change anything, nothing will change because why would they need to change when you’ll keep going, unpaid, until you break.

I am seeing this from the other side, as an employer, and I don’t understand your position at all.

We have had carers doing live in continuously for weeks and weeks, we have asked all sorts of things of our carers - sometimes they say yes and sometimes they say no.

sometimes we are let down at the last minute and have to scramble around for cover, sometimes carers decide it’s not for them and leave after their first placement. We have also removed carers that we weren’t happy with.

But in all of these situations it’s about 2 way communication and I don’t understand why you aren’t discussing breaks, time off and working patterns with the family. They can ask anything of you but it’s up to you to agree or refuse.

You keep ignoring the question about pay - are they paying you correctly and dealing with HMRC for you?

Just say No!!!! They do not own you and you are working well beyond your contract.

Why can’t you sit them down and discuss the expectations?

You hold ALL the power here as they will be fucked if you leave.

When they give you the schedule and there are no days off you need to speak up.

“I’m afraid I can’t do this. I need a day off / 2 days off so would Saturday or Sunday be better?”

”I can’t do another live in so soon - I could do one starting Weds next week would that work”

”We need to discuss my contract as I am doing far beyond what I signed for and I’m considering giving notice unless we can agree something”

Just write out your letter of resignation, give them 1 months notice and then leave. It’s as simple as that.

OP it doesn't sound as if you've actually spoken to the family about the situation.

Tell them you will not be doing more than your contracted hours as you are exhausted and legally need time off.

Or just leave. You can do that. Take some ownership of the situation. You continue to complain but don't seem to want to do the very simple thing that would sort the issue, which is leave. Do it today.