Signed off work - how can I make the most of the time?

[ProfessorofDarkArts]

For a number of reasons - some work related but not all - I have reached the end of my tether and been signed off work. I feel a huge relief but am already stressed about not wasting the time, I need to use it to make some pretty big decisions.

Part of the reason I've got here is that I've taken very little time off in the past 10 years despite going through a house move, divorce, death of a parent and more while trying to remain professional and support my team. I feel like I need a complete change but at the moment all I want to do is sleep. It's not like me to give in and I dont know what to do with the time now I've got it.

If you need to sleep, do it. You are ill. You need to heal.

I was burnt out just before COVID and honestly, this is something you cannot push through. Pushing through will make it worse, not better.

I did some burn-out-specific counselling and the first thing they said was the people who burn out are the people who will just keep pushing through and pushing through until they hit a brick wall.

My personal take-away is that no one is coming to save you on this. I would even tell people at work that I wasn't managing, that I couldn't cope and they let me keep on going cause none of the alternative solutions suited them.

It sounds overly dramatic perhaps, but that Stevie Smith poem 'Not Waving but Drowning' used to buzz round and round my head. I would cry every day on the way to work.

Take care of yourself. The attitude of trying to make the most of your time will dig you down further - and honestly, I understand, I really do.

Sleep, eat, gentle exercise, follow medical advice - it’s not a holiday it’s sick leave so do what it takes to recover in the shortest time, this will vary from person to person.

Just listen to your body. If it wants to rest then Rest. You dont need to feel like you have to fill your time usefully. This is what has contributed to the stress in the first place. There's nothing wrong with doing not a lot for a while.

Thank you, I’ve literally read, slept and briefly pottered in the garden today. It feels very unnatural having permission to do nothing.

How are you feeling now @ProfessorofDarkArts (love your username)?
I have been in a similar situation, although in my case I believe part of the cause has been undiagnosed ADHD, leading to total burnout.
I have been off work for over a month now and due to start going back next week.
I have found is very hard to switch off and do nothing. So I compromised with myself by getting the house into an orderly state (with some help from my lovely mum as it was too much mentally for me to do by myself) and then just doing the bare minimum to keep on top of things.
I have mostly filled the rest of my time with walking - sometimes going out for most of the day, or sitting and playing games or watching TV. I have also done some sewing.
I hope you have managed to take time to recharge and regroup!

OP you sound a bit like me last autumn. I had kept going through thick and thin at home and at work for years until I just couldn't do it any more. I was signed off for three weeks and had a pre-booked holiday on week 4.

I was lucky with the weather and did lots of walks, met up with friends for coffee, followed a daily yoga plan. It took a while to stop feeling guilty about not checking my work phone all the time, but turning it off and putting it in a drawer was one of the best things I did to give myself some perspective.

I had some physical symptoms of anxiety, and went on a low dose of Sertraline, which I think has helped. I also accessed counselling via my workplace Employee Assistance Programme which was really helpful to help me work through what needed to change and what was in my power to change.

When I went back to work I was clear that I could no longer continue in my role and negotiated a sideways move to a different part of the business.

I wish you well for your time out and hope that you get the rest you need.

Thank you for asking @ADHDAnnie and thank you for getting it @JenniferClarissa

I’m feeling calmer and less panicked but also worried how quickly the time is going and concerned that I’m no closer to making a decision about what to do next. I don’t want to go back - I felt sick when I had to go in to pick some things up and I don’t think I could sit in a room with my boss to discuss next steps with bursting into tears. I’ve made things difficult for myself by taking a break and I can’t see how it will work going forward. But financially I can’t afford to leave. I doubt I’d get paid for any more time off - they’ve already covered more than they usually offer - so I don’t feel I have any choice. I live alone and while I’ve got a lovely supportive partner ultimately it’s down to me to pay the mortgage etc.

So while the time away is lovely and I’m trying to make the most of it, in reality it’s just putting off the inevitable.