I lost the ability to perceive thinking with proper seriousness and formality.

[FangBS02]

I play chess. Long time ago I played in an arena on stream and when me and my opponent were in time trouble in a rapid 15+5 game, streamer called it 'bullet' which is a very fast time control and not that serious one and now I lost the ability to think with proper seriousness and I lost the feeling that thinking is formal activity. This bullet commet comes into my head as unwanted thought and then it feels like I can't think because I can't treat it seriously. Maybe I sound too serious talking like this, but it's not the point. I literally can't play chess because of this. (I play rapid with increment) i contacted him and he said to not think about that but it doesn't help at all. I feel imposed a mentality that I don't want to have and that is self-destructive.

This is the second chess-themed thread you've posted with deep anxiety.

Have you approached any professionals in real life?

No, I don't want to talk about this in real life.

If you feel that you have lost the ability to think, practice thinking.
Do a different sort of logic problem where you need to hold multiple things in your head for a long time. Do chess puzzles. Listen to serious non-fiction audiobooks on subjects that are not your own discipline and follow all their arguments. Do the English Chess Federation Gold and Diamond Certificates of Excellence.

I think you do need to mention this to someone as it doesn’t sound like a normal thought pattern and you could be quite unwell.

Perhaps something like NLP or emdr might help with the blockage, neither of those therapies require you to talk about the issue, just ro think about it.

I'm quite unwell, I can't think what I want and I don't have the freedom of thought even though I'm alone in my room and nothing bad can happen if I think.

He created a thought in my head that changes my thinking patterns.

Is English your first language? Your communication is very unusual and I’m worried that you are experiencing significant mental distress or crisis. Would you agree with that?

Do you have a partner or family or a close friend you could talk to about how you are feeling?

No, English isn't my first language and I'm not experiencing significant mental crisis, I don't feel sad because of this. It's just online chess results. I don't really want to talk about it in real life but I want to know how to escape the toxicity that someone says what I do is not glorious enough and then I can't treat it with proper seriousness but only as having fun and nothing more and then my brain is in different state. I know nothing changes because someone says something and is a random person from the internet but it still impacts me.

This is a forum for mental health. If you don't feel this is affecting your mental health then it's not the forum to help with this. I'd try asking chat GPT for suggestions.

But it's kind of like hearing voices in my head, someone said something and it sticks, imposes to me a different way of perceiving things and doesn't allow me to unleash my full potential.

I feel that someone displaces normal mentality when playing chess, normal way of thinking, doesn't allow me to access it and I need to do something about that to stop losing games.

It’s tricky to tell, because of the non-standard English use here, but what you’re describing sounds a bit like delusional beliefs around thought-insertion.
Might be worth a google, and seeing your GP for a referral to local psychiatry services for a full assessment.

I can recognise some of what you’re saying from when I’ve been unwell. I think as you’ve posted on the mental health board perhaps you might have a suspicion that something might not be right with your thinking.

Mental health difficulties don’t always cause someone to feel sad. Jumbled or disorganised thinking, or thinking that someone else is able to influence how you think like that could mean that you’re not quite well. I think it’s very unlikely that the other player was able to lose your ability to think, but I can appreciate that it’s very real to you right now.

Of course I could be wrong about you being unwell, but I would strongly suggest you speak to your GP who can refer if needed- there are things that can help.