I got upset today, and I'm struggling to move past it

[PaperPanama]

I lost a piece of equipment and only noticed when I really needed it. It was my own, and not expensive, but something I use every day. Like a helmet or a walking stick, not having it will curtail what I can do until it is replaced. I have ordered a replacement.

My reaction at the time astonished me. I almost panicked and was on the verge of crying. I avoided my colleagues and went home early as every time I spoke to them I struggled to hold back tears.

I didn't realise that I am also emotionally dependent upon this item!

I'm at home. I am safe. I know I will soon have a replacement. I'm with my family, I've talked it out. We've done happy things and laughed together. So why does this panicky distress keep surging back?

Because you’re really upset and that’s understandable. Be kind to yourself. Your reaction isn’t out of the ordinary.

That sounds like overwhelm. It is extremely hot which affects people’s senses.

Something that affects your life went wrong. It probably isn’t objectively a big deal but it is a big deal for you clearly.

Then couple in hormones, work and family life. Today is a bit of an emotional write off. It happens. Tomorrow will be better.

Is work understanding?

The straw that broke the camel's back? A message to stop, perhaps.

You are all very kind.

Kinder than work. Nobody was bothered that I went home early, it is very hot after all, and most left early. But nobody understood why I was bothered about something that I can just order from Amazon. Not that I could understand it, either.

Tomorrow is another day.

They will all have their own issues and preoccupations and concerns. And a colleague who has mislaid something tat can be purchased on Amazon is unlikely to garner much sympathy.

Its something you're at least in part someway reliant on to presumably function in the way that you usually do. Having lost that unexpectedly probably makes you feel vulnerable. Add in any other factors that may contribute to that (heat, hormonal influence, any additional stressors etc.) and its totally understandable.

Is it something that's affordable enough that you can keep a spare or two?

My son is autistic and has a specific item that he uses for sensory input. It keeps him regulated and he takes one to school each day. There are times where in the chaos of getting everyone out the door on time, that we forget to pick one up, he definitely gets upset about this. So now he keeps a spare in his bag, and a spare in his tray at school. Now if we forget, or he loses it during the day, there's no upset, and im not rushing back home to get one and trying to get to work on time.

Our brains are not always rational! When I had a MC many years ago, I became obsessed with the fact that some underwear got ruined. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and was relieved to the point of tears when I was able to get to M&S and get an identical replacement. Clearly, the underwear wasn’t the actual issue but my brain just became fixated on it for some reason.
Take care of yourself, you clearly need a bit of TLC right now

If you are dependant on the item @PaperPanama then it’s that , because not having it makes you feel vulnerable. I used to get like that about my car when I lived in a place with no public transport, it’s a horrible feeling but it is just information. Try to be kind to yourself and maybe think about what you can do in the future to manage your exposure to the risk.

This is an interesting point. One of my dc has an ASD diagnosis, and another is self-diagnosed (I agree, but they’re an adult and it’s up to them if they want to proceed with formal assessment). We all know that there’s a genetic element to autism…and I have my own quirks. Maybe what I experienced was the edge of an autistic meltdown.

I hear you.

When I miscarried, ‘healing’ the clothing damaged by the miscarriage was part of my emotional healing from it.

It's interesting that autism has been mentioned. I'm autistic and sometimes get very emotionally attached to items. Almost as if they have feelings, which obviously I know they don't, really! But if I lost something important to me, there would probably be an element of that in my reaction. Like worrying that someone who didn't appreciate it would find it, or that it would be thrown away by someone without a thought. This would really upset me. Perhaps there could be something like this at play?

I understand, I think I'd feel that way if I lost my kindle. Last year I took it everywhere with me, when I was going through a period of anxiety., and i would have been distraught if I
had lost it. Sometimes things give us great comfort. Don't be hard on yourself.

Can you also get yourself a spare of whatever you’ve lost?