, I need to get this out to people that might understand and I just feel like I need talking down and help urgently. It might be a long one.
I've suffered with a anxiety and OCD for years. About 15 years now. It's mostly health related, fear of dying, intrusive thoughts and mental compulsions. I've become scared of absolutely everything. At the moment I've been in a bad flare where I'm convinced I'm unwell, I'm scared of having a heart attack, or dying suddenly. It rules my life. I have a young son with additional needs and I'm terrified to reach out in case they take him away from me. I get a multitude of physical symptoms, heart palpitations, chest pains, breathless, dizziness, body pains etc. My Dr said it's deffo anxiety but I really dont believe that.
Recently, I've started having what I call "magical thinking". Where I'm imagining scenarios and visions in my head, and some of there are very irrational. I had a dream last night that all the planes in the sky fell down and crashed. I've thought about it all day. Each time I've seen a contrail in the sky today I've panicked. I can hear planes all day (I live in Lincolnshire, surrounded by RAF) and it's triggering me. I'm utterly convinced that I have had a premonition and I can't calm down at all. I don't know wha to do. I don't feel safe. I'm always so scared and anxious and I really feel like I can't cope anymore. I don't feel like I'm real, or what if I am already dead? Please someone tell me what's wrong. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
I know this sounds absolutely crazy, but I'm using this as a safe space because if I say these things out loud to anyone esle, im scared they will think I'm unwell, but I'm just stuck in this weird loop and I don't feel right in the head.