Help? Pls ðŸ˜
When I was 18 years old I was diagnosed with BPD, it was after a suicide attempt and explaining all of my symptoms to them I did at the time believe I had it too (I’m in the middle about it now)
I tried many different anti depressant and all of them made me worse, got referred to secondary mental health service and ended up with a psychiatrist and mental health Co ordinator where we tried anti psychotics (Quetiapine) this one didn’t help and made me sleep all the time. Ended up on Arripiprazole and sertaline. I ended up moving at some point and out of a domestic violence situation with horrible stuff happening. However I had 1 last appointment with them both just after I moved and it was to re evaluate my medication and refer me to the team in my area as when I moved I moved out of their area.
I had explained to the psychiatrist that the sertaline was making me jitter, wired and really really anxious and instead of lowering it like I asked he double the dose up to 200mg. I told him I didn’t like the idea but he said to at least try it, in the time I had ‘tried’ it he and my mental health Co-ordinator discharged me from their care and back to the core team to be put with people in my area. I had tried the ‘new dose’ and ended up in a 2 day panic attack which led to me becoming too scared to take them again as the sertaline literally made me feel so on edge, so jittery and honestly I don’t even wanna go near that again. This meant I also stopped my Arripiprazole (this really helped me). I wait over a YEAR up until about 5/6 months ago as I thought they were just backed up on the waiting list. Turns out they just discharged me and never got referred to a new team, so I’ve had no medication for a year and I told me GP I’m waiting to hear from them. I felt okay without it however my anxiety was through the roof and I was too scared to take anymore now after waiting months to hear back and then be disappointed after hearing I’d actually been discharged
Went to my GP a couple months back, cried and broke down to her as I’m going through a lot right now and since October I’m going through a police case against my ex partner which is causing my symptoms to be worse than they were before. I refused medication at first and asked about my referral to the secondary mental health team, this is where I found out I’d actually been discharged. Asked to be referred again, did the referral explained everything. A week later, got rejected and they felt I didn’t need it and asked for more information. I asked the GP to refer me back with more information explaining that my BPD means that antidepressants don’t work on their own and normal treatments won’t work as primary services seem me too ‘complex’ so nobody on primary services can help I can’t just do CBT (already done) I need a more deeper therapy and I need the anti psychotics back as they really helped. Rejected again last week. They told me they don’t think I need my medication and that I’m not mentally ill enough basically and told me to go to my primary care provider at the GP. I’m so stuck, I don’t know what to do. Theyve put me on citalopram but I already know it doesn’t work. I tried citalopram, duloxetine, sertaline, fluoxetine, beta blockers and they all don’t help me. Duloxetine made me have a mental breakdown and take an overdose. I feel helpless, the BPD diagnoses means a lot lower/primary care services don’t help me because of my complexity i went through all this. I really don’t know what to do anymore and I keep telling them I’m feeling all over the place, they’re making me feel worse by rejecting the help I need.