I hate health anxiety

[JacknDiane]

Ive had it for years and years. Mainly about cancer. I have lumpy breasts which doesn't help. Ive had mammograms since turning 50, all clear. Id like a yearly mammogram but thats not possible on the NHS. Im not sure if its possible privately, I don't have private healthcare.
Its just so fucking debilitating and miserable. Ive been up all night poking and prodding an area of my breast that troubled me last year, I got a mammogram last year and was told everything was fine. But im worrying again. I seem to go into panic attack mode when I think I feel something lumpy. But the consultant last year told me my breasts are lumpy, some just are. And im a HH cup, so they are massive too.
Im currently undergoing CBT. I tried using the breathing techniques I learned last night when I thought I felt something but my heart was thudding in my chest and I couldn't calm down. I cant feel anything there now but if I prodding and press enough my breasts are lumpy. But the consultant showed me how to check myself and I shouldn't prod.
I really hate being like this. Ive had years of different therapy to try to sort it. I cant be hypnotised, I did try that but it didn't work for me.
Has anyone has HA bad for years and years and actually overcame it? Ive read people can overcome it but so far nothing has worked for me.
And to cap it all my gp isn't giving appointments for 4 weeks due to a new system. Although I dont think I really need to go see the gp. I just need to calm down. Ive taken 2 propanolol.
But ive hardly slept and have a big day on.
I just feel so fucking miserable. Im nearly 60, I cant go on like this.

I just had a shower and examined myself again. I didn't find anything. But in the back of my mind ive convinced myself something is there and I'll poke and prod all day. Im already sore from prodding last night. And ive been up to the loo umpteen times, my bladder and bowels just empty when im like this.

I just want it to go away and be normal 😕

When did this start – what was the trigger (if you know)? Knowing why your subconscious is overreacting is the key to bringing it back down to a reasonable level.

Hi @Eyesopenwideawake, ive actually spoken to you regarding trying to see if hypnosis works but unfortunately it didn't for me ( I was ssd then). I really dont know when this started, I cant pinpoint it. I know its rooted in my past somewhere though.
Thanks for replying.

Have you tried SSRI drugs such as sertraline?

Yes, but i had serious side effects to setraline and had to stop immediately. I did feel it helping before the side effects started though. I also tried citalopram which didn't do a thing for me.

This reminds me of a period in my life when I'd get similarly panicked. I knew all about the method to give myself a self-exam, but I was so incompetent that it was useless. It was only many years later that I discovered that apparently the usual danger sign was not a general lump, but a hard lump. Wish someone had told me that earlier.

I assume you try to follow the health guidelines ( e.g. avoid smoking, liquor, etc.) The hypnosis is an interesting idea. That might be something where you could have had one person that didn't work, but might have better luck with someone else. Also, remember that breast cancer isn't the overwhelming menace it was when we were children. My best friend was diagnoses with b.c. - and that was a decade or two ago. And she's still fine. By the way, I wouldn't necessary conclude that it's rooted in your past, unless you have it in your family; I think society puts it front and center for so many of us.

Yes thats very true. Thank you for a different perspective.

Write down exactly what you are worried about. Use this guide as a template;

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/ThoughtRecordSheet7.pdf

This works because when you think about things you are only limited by the breadth of your imagination (which is enormous!) but when you write down thoughts your logical mind can take over and discard the wilder excesses that you've dreamt up.