Mental Health- Support tips

[SallyCinnamon38]

Hi, hoping someone can offer some advice. My mental health has been declining for a while, I feel permanently stressed out. I work long days mostly from home, meaning that often I sit at a computer for 8 hours and then when the workday is finished I am too tired to do anything. I am struggling with the most basic of tasks/decisions ie what to cook for dinner. I don't have many friends and I don't want to leave the house apart from when I absolutely have to. I can't drive any more as it makes me too anxious/trying to remove stress from my life. I feel incredibly lonely. I don't know how to get out of this rut I am in. I have a gym membership but haven't been in weeks. I have a GP appointment on Friday. I have been using HRT for 12 months which helped initially but after feeling fine for a while I am now worse than ever. I have dreadful social anxiety. I am a shell of my former self who was sociable, exercised regularly, saw plenty of people etc. I don't talk about how I feel because the people I do have in my life have their own things going on and I do not want to be a burden. I thought this may be perimenopause related but now I don't know. I have little appetite and don't sleep very well, so this usually means I doze off early evening then can't get to sleep at night. I have absolutely no libido. Sometimes I feel so stressed I can't breathe. I have OCD and intrusive thoughts which is why I can't leave the house because I have a continual fear of the house burning down if I go out. I know none of this is normal. I am just wondering why I have reached this point when I was previously full of energy and life. It's awful. Does anyone have any suggestions of what I could do? I am still working as my other phobia is losing my job so I feel like I can't go off and I am actually quite embarrassed about my mental state at the moment so I don't feel like I could tell work anyway.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Have you spoken to your GP about the OCD before? Can you identify when your MH started declining and/or if there was a trigger?

Can you get outside into your garden during your work breaks? Even walking around the garden or standing at the door doing some gentle exercises can help change your perspective.

Thank you so much for your reply. OCD has been a problem on and off for nearly 30 years, it comes and goes depending on what else is going on. During times of stress it increases. I can cope with it usually. I am going to make myself walk around the block this lunchtime as you're absolutely right it does change your perspective being outside! Thank you again.

I’m sorry that you are going through this. I get it. I don’t sleep or eat well and rarely leave the house. I get anxious if I do go out and can’t cope with busy places.
I was able to retire early ( to care for our DD ) and then when she died I became reclusive and anxious. I’m lucky to have my DH, eldest DD and fantastic friends who visit, not forgetting my wonderful spaniels!

Some of the things that have helped include

Patches for sleep and anxiety from Wonderpatch
Snoozeband with playlists or pre-made ones on Apple Music, BBC Sounds at night
Classic FM ( lyrics can trigger) but it’s not without tears
An Analogue bag ( don’t use as much as I should)
Word puzzles daily on line comparing scores with a friend Blossom, Wordle, Waffle Word Wordlinkle
Cleaning!
Looking after and watching wild birds
Reading ( when I can)
Binge watching old series Gilmore Girls, Poldark, Doctors, Soldier Soldier
Mumsnet
Craft stuff ( not always motivated)
Getting out in the garden
My wonderful spaniels ( worth 2 mentions)

There’s a website called GetSelf Help that might have some resources to help with OCD and anxiety.
Hope you start to feel better soon and less anxious.

I've been experiencing a lot of this on and off for a while. I think for me some of it is just the bitch of perimenopause - in the times I feel good I try and think positively, which helps to practise it for when I need it.

However for me I think Loneliness and not spending enough time outdoors also have been bringing me down. I don't have OCD but I'll make a million reasons up why I can't go out yet, usually to do with chores.

I've come to realise that a big pillar of all of it is sleep. I don't recover well from a sleep deficit anymore. The insomnia has been driving me mad as its confusing for my body. What I tend to do is let myself sleep whenever I need for up to a week, then try and reset it back to normal, if it's got out of sync.

Nutrition is also massive, especially getting enough fibre so I don't feel as sluggish.

I'm going to start getting outside in nature more. We aren't designed to work all the time basically.

There's lots of in person and online groups - almost too many to choose from, it's important to try though. I'm going to gently push myself. I can be really bad for avoiding things but I've also forced myself to do things sometimes and I'm still here, so that does give me confidence. Good luck OP.

Hi op, that sounds really tough and very isolating.

I think for me with mental health it's about habit stacking. So can you force yourself out for a 5 minute walk every day. And then build it up in time when you feel ready. Even if it's with music or an audio book in your ears. Nature really helps me so just sitting in the garden is positive.

Do you do anything nice for yourself? Like for me reading and crafting have helped improve my mental health.

Also I know you don't want to burden friends but is there anyone who feels safe enough to share this with? I know it can be hard and scary to do so but it really has helped me being able to talk about how I feel (it took me a long time to get to this stage)

Coming from someone who is very slowly recovering

Such lovely replies. These are really helping. Thank you. The habit stacking idea is great. I am just about to go out for a walk now, spurred on by these messages. X

Did you go for a walk @SallyCinnamon38 ? I read a book tonight to try and fill my cup. And had a luxury shower once the kids were in bed. You know when you use your nice products 😂

Morning. I did go for a walk! Today whilst wading through treacle I went to the gym near home and did 20 mins on the bike. Not much but better than nothing. I am trying to do things more slowly. I rush around frantically most of the time. Always thinking about the next thing to do. What are you doing today? I'm starting work shortly. I love using the "nice products" in the bath/shower.

@SallyCinnamon38 well done, I'm so proud of you because it may only feel small but it will make a big difference.

I get you on the rushing thing, life is one big rush.

I didn't do anything nice today yet. I've had a really hard day at work and I'm close to leaving my job (long story) so once the kids are in bed I'm going to give myself a worry hour to jot it all down and then read my book in bed and try get an early night.

Hi Paperplane, sorry to hear this about your job. The writing down/worry hour is such a good way of containing worries. I have written down worries before and its got it out of my system for a while (ruminations are so exhausting). I hope you have some supportive people in your life who can help? I am soOoO tired but if I fall asleep now I'll be awake again later til the small hours! X

Hi op. Just to say I’m sorry you’re feeling this way and know that you’re not alone in how you feel. I constantly feel anxious. I often think if only I can solve some issue then I’ll feel better and life will be good. But then my mind just finds something else to worry about. It’s exhausting isn’t it. I do find getting out and doing things helps. However it’s exhausting to get out and about and hold down a full time job. I’ve tried everything, cbt, designated worry time, I have started hrt recently as it’s been worse in recent years which I think is peri related. I have been on citalopram in the past and that helped but then I decided to stop and the anxiety and depression came back and when I tried the medication again I had a very bad reaction. I feel I’ve tried everything and have no options left.