I feel like the worst mum in the world. Not the mum I want to be at all - or ever envisioned l would be. I want to be calm, patient and fun. But I am none of those things, I cannot help it, the rage just takes over and I scream and shout so much the guilt is consuming me. I am exhausted and I hate myself. i love my children so much, I never want anything or anyone to hurt them, but I can’t help but worry I am causing them emotional damage without even wanting to 😠I have always been a calm and patient, people pleasing person but since becoming a mum the patience is completely gone, I become overwhelmed and overstimulated so much, so quickly. I count down the minutes until they are in bed until I can just be alone, quiet and not be touched. I am awaiting a referral for Autism and hope I gain some perspective and support through this.