DH stressed & depressed

[lostdontknowwhattodo]

My husband (51) has been made redundant. This isn’t the first time, it has happened to him before.

He is not coping at all. Job hunting is proving really difficult, because there just don’t seem to be many roles at the level he was, and because he has developed severe anxiety. He spends a lot of time pacing, he has lost weight, and he has lost his spark. He needs to get a job though (redundancy pay won’t last forever..) I work full time, but my salary alone isn’t enough to cover everything.

He has been prescribed propranolol, which has helped to a degree. He tried sertraline for a few days, but his anxiety became absolutely terrible as well as physical symptoms of nausea, dizziness and brain fog. He’s stopped it, as he wasn’t able to function during this time. He has an interview tomorrow so needs to be on form for that. He is in such a state, I don’t know what to do.

He is leaning on me so heavily, it’s quite overwhelming. I go from feeling awful for him, to wanting him to start showing a bit of fight and determination to find a job and get well again. We have two teenagers. I worry about them seeing him as he is. He is a shadow of himself.

Any glimmers of hope for us?! What can I do to
help him?

When people define themselves by something in their lives – a job, a relationship, their children – it can be devastating when that focal point vanishes or changes; it's as though every other fixed points in their lives feel unstable as well.

Would your husband consider counselling or therapy to help him see things differently?

He has been having CBT, but he doesn’t seem to be using the tools he’s been given.
I keep hoping tomorrow will be a better day, but it hasn’t happened yet.
Thank you for replying. You are absolutely right in what you’ve said. It’s more than a job he’s lost.

There are lots of other antidepressants out there with potentially less side effects so I'd recommend talking to his GP to try another one after the interview.

He needs to go back to the GP and either try Sertraline again or go on to a different one. Unfortunately they all seem to make anxiety a bit worse before it gets better. My case was pretty severe and they gave me diazepam to get me through the first couple of weeks

I'm taking Vortioxetine now, which had far fewer side effects for me than Sertraline

If he's a 'doing' kinda guy it can be more beneficial to learn how to help yourself. This course (assuming he can navigate Kain's accent!) is excellent at understanding why we think, feel and behave the way we do and – more importantly – how we can change those things.

https://www.udemy.com/course/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-online-course-cbt-practitioner-course/?couponCode=MT260615G1

This!! People can lose their identity.

Thank you all.

He has contacted the gp again to see about a different medication. The sertraline might have worked in the long run, but he was getting even more stressed at the time he was loosing due to feeling so awful.

He is having so many irrational, negative thoughts, I wish he could just banish them (I know it isn’t as simple as that) It’s like he’s been replaced by a stranger at the moment.

Can he get any job to make up the short fall or will he only go for certain roles?

At 6 weeks in the worst of the sertraline side effects are all but over.. so wanted to stop the beginning but didn’t and now starting to feel the benefits. Have been left with serotonin diarrhoea though but there are no stomach cramps, this is becoming less frequent too.
Maybe if he eased himself in on a low dose and gradually increased or as others say go back to GP and try a different med.
CBT didn’t help me really as I felt like I was a box ticking exercise and the promised links to counselling have still not been sent. Late calls, which activated my anxiety and one missed all together… not me!
Im wanting trauma counselling I think.