I've had a lot on my mind recently and thought it might help to reach out anonymously.
I'm 35 and currently studying Midwifery at university. I'm nearly at the end of my first year. I don't have any children, and my boyfriend and I live in a rented flat that we can only just afford.
My only close family is my mum. My boyfriend has family, but they all live in different far-away locations dotted around the UK and abroad, and he's not particularly close to them.
Before starting my degree, I promised myself I wouldn't have a baby until I graduated. However, after spending time on placement and seeing so many pregnancies and births, I'm starting to question whether waiting is the right decision.
By the time I qualify, I'll be 37. I've noticed that many women over 35 are classed as higher risk, and many of the women I've cared for over 40 have needed IVF or additional medical intervention. I know this isn't true for everyone, but it's made me worry that if I wait until after graduation, I might struggle to conceive.
At the same time, the thought of being pregnant during my degree is also daunting. Midwifery placements involve 12.5-hour day and night shifts, exams, and a demanding workload. I'm not sure how I'd cope with pregnancy on top of all that.
My biggest concern, though, is support.
I've always had a very small support network and often felt quite lonely. If I had a baby, my support would mainly be my partner and my mum. I don't have close friends, and childcare costs are so high that I couldn't realistically afford much help while I'm still a student.
I've also struggled socially at university. Friendship groups seemed to form very quickly, and I never really found my place. I haven't met anyone I would consider a close friend, and that's left me feeling quite isolated, anxious, and low at times.
Sometimes I wonder whether it's selfish to have a baby in these circumstances. I worry that I wouldn't be able to give a child the wider family network and support system that I never had myself.
My partner is also 10 years older than me and is currently 45, so he'd be around 47–48 by the time we had a baby.
If you were in my position, would you try for a baby during the degree or wait until qualification at 37? And do you think it's selfish to have a child when your support network is so small?