Emotionally numb - perimenopause or mental health?

[Starmarshmallow123]

Please help - i am 45 and I have emotional numbness that has been building for years
I feel flat a lot of the time, which to be honest has benefitted me in so many ways. I used to be a really anxious driver and now can do motorways etc with no worries. I don't sweat the small stuff (or much at all really) and watch other people suffering over things and can't help but feel glad I don't have the same worries.
The other side of course is that I haven't felt that kid at christmas feeling in years. We plan nice things, holidays etc and I enjoy relaxing or seeing new things but there is no depth of emotion. I do my job ok, sort the kids needs etc but am less caring - they need me less as older - but I don't feel besotted like I used to. I love them of course, but I am more selfish. I get everything done and get in bed with netflix and I don't waste time worrying about much.
I know it frustrates my husband. When the kids were little he worked away and didn't show much emotion. Now, when I don't have a lot to give he is overflowing with it. My libido is definitely affected.
5 years ago I was diagnosed with low iron from terrible periods, I went on iron and hrt and felt a lot better and I now have mirena in too. A month ago I forgot my hrt on holiday and it didn't make much difference so I decided just to stay off it and see if this numbness is actually maybe caused by hrt I don't need? In the last month not a lot has changed.
I have this sadness sometimes that maybe I won't experience true joy again. I also feel sometimes I can sense there is a deep well of emotion hidden under this fog and it is a lid I can't lift (and would I want to??)
I think for quality of life i need to feel things a bit more to get the good out of life, to be a better mum and wife. But I wouldn't know how to change it. I have questioned if I am depressed - but I dont think so. I have had a few difficult things happen in my life that are painful to reflect on and it feels good that I can't very well when feeling like this
But it is just normal.life stuff really that have happened, tough marriage when the kids were smaller at times, parts of my childhood were tricky, but nothing that many people don't go through.
Is this a perimenopause thing? Is it a mental health thing? And is there anything I can do about it

Tricky childhoods have a habit of resurfacing once all the hard stuff of raising children, building a career and negotiating a partnership have settled. The fact that you mention a lid that you can't lift (or fear lifting?) suggests that there's something you're keeping hidden and it's holding all the good emotions in check at the same time.

Makes sense?

It does a bit thanks
I spend a lot of time feeling like it's a superpower to get through life
And then some time feeling really sad that I may only ever live half a life, it is my relationships which will take the hit.
Do you think I should speak to a GP?
I don't feel desperately sad or have any thoughts of self harm so I am not sure they will be interested.
I came off hrt without talking to them so I suppose can start the discussion that way

Yes, your GP will be able to refer you to a course of CBT which may well help. Given that you've been feeling flat for a while it's possible that it's not linked to peri. You could also get your iron and thyroid levels checked at the same time.

I know what you mean about benefiting from not being over emotional

As for not feeling like a kid at Christmas, that is a very occasional feeling in adulthood, isn't it?

Are you sure you're not finding problems where there aren't any?

Yes, kid at Christmas feeling is probably a long time ago for most of us, that lovely feeling where your tummy leaps because you are excited- i miss strong feelings like that. But perhaps that is a false expectation, just some excitement i suppose - I do feel contended most of the time
There have been problems in my marriage with me being too lacklustre and I wonder if my kids might resent some of it, they don't seem to. I jsut feel a lot of the time like I just don't really care about anything. Worse problems to have though I agree

The way you are feeling Starmarshmallow123 certainly doesn’t sound like you are looking for problems where there aren’t any. I think that was a bit harsh of a PP. The problem is you are feeling flat, low and it’s affecting your life.
During peri menopause I went from an absolute ball of emotion, weeping over everything to having a heart like a swinging brick. I just wanted everyone to leave.me.the.fuck.alone. I haven’t had a good sob in years.
Like you I’m aware that it’s all there bubbling under surface and one day it might come tumbling out.
I do go for Acupuncture and it has helped me.
I definitely think you should seek help..starting with GP.
I really hope something helps.
And btw I would like to think I will have a few more ‘like a kid at Christmas’ feelings in my life!! It’s the highs that make up for the lows after all.

Thanks tothesea.
I have gone from thinking this is a non problem and just a stage of life, to feeling really sad that I may never feel very much again.
I will start with the GP, God knows if I should have stayed on the hrt or not 😕

And I will look into acupuncture if it helped you as well x

Time to focus on yourself..all the best.