Went to counselling with grief and therapist is trying to diagnose me

[billyhughes]

So, I have NC for this in case it had identifying details.

i went to counselling because I had a bereavement about a year ago. Last year I had about 6 sessions of specialist grief counselling via a hospice. The focus was very much on my grief.

Around Easter this year I felt I needed more counselling. I was struggling with feeling anxious, to the extend that a holiday I went on was pretty much ruined because I was just catastrophising everything that could go wrong all of the time, and I really felt I needed help. Via work I got a referral for another set of counselling sessions.

The counsellor is nice but spends a lot of time talking about herself and her own family to the extent that I feel I know now most of their foibles. She also mentioned other clients sometimes which I felt was weird.

recently she has gone down a line of enquiry which has led her to suggest that I have high functioning autism and also something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria.

this has come about as I was describing the anxiety I have felt recently, especially worrying and catastrophising about things at work. She seemed to read a lot into the fact that I like to plan in advance and be very organised, which is actually pretty necessary in my job.

She also asked about me as a child. I was shy, academic, a reader, very high achieving and slightly socially awkward as a teenager. I’m still pretty introverted in that I’m not a super gregarious social butterfly but I am able to form friendships and relationships, make small talk, read people’s body language etc and communicate effectively. In fact again, all of these attributes are pretty essential in my work. I don’t have any sensory issues or anything like that. With the RSD, when I’ve read about it I don’t have the extreme reactions described, I just worry about what people think of me sometimes. She said I was hyperfixating on things when I said that i had been upset by some friends reactions to me grieving and some insensitive comments people have made.

does this sound as though i am being defensive and should I actually explore this or does it sound like she is trying to label me based on quite flimsy evidence?

I would report this. It's unethical. Enquire as to who she is registered with and then you can complain if you want. Serious red flags here. Unless she is not actually a counsellor and some kind of mental health first aider who's had no training. Bizarre frankly.

I am just following up on this as it has just been playing on my mind. I cancelled the last appointment as I didn’t feel right about it.

on her website there is no mention of a BCAP accreditation but she does come up when I search the BCAP website. Would I report to them?

Have you even checked her credentials? We can all take a level counselling course and call ourselves qualified it’s not a protected title. There’s a LOT of bad eggs in the industry - most have major,
major issues themselves. I would go as far to say it is the minimum in that sector who can actually do a good job and for the right reasons.

Would not trust the vast majority as far as I could throw them.

Tbh even WITH credentials I wouldn’t touch the vast majority of them. It’s easy to qualify as a basic counsellor even with the BCAP. They need serious help of their own them lot.

Yes, BACP has a complaint process you can follow.

https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-us/protecting-the-public/professional-conduct/how-to-complain-about-a-bacp-member/

Oh. That’s quite disheartening as I feel more than ever that I need help tbh.

@billyhughes

I did my dissertation on this subject. A whole industry born out of people’s suffering. The counselling training is woeful. Half of them, depending on their level haven’t even had therapy themselves. They often transfer and project their own issues onto clients, whilst pop psychology diagnosing them with allsorts from the armchair. They are quite often the most toxic of people with incredible blind spots in regards to their own biases and harmful behaviours.

I am not saying you shouldn’t get help. But you really should research who it is you will see. I wouldn’t see anyone who wasn’t qualified to a minimum of a masters degree in counselling. A level 7 usually means they’ve had quite extensive therapy themselves, as it’s a requirement on a level 7 to have weekly therapy sessions. (which is a MUST). Go with recommendations also, and if you can afford it, counselling psychologists.

We don’t know the counsellor/therapist/psychotherapist (whatever she is) isn’t suitably qualified. As we are not privy to the sessions we don’t know how/why ASD/ND/RSD was raised and if it is a part of a wider pattern contributing to the issues that brought OP to counselling to begin with.
nevertheless, if OP isnt happy with the sessions she isn’t obliged to continue. OP, if your lingering concern is ‘am I autistic?’ it is worth considering a session with an appropriately qualified clinician to see if further assessment is right for you.

Please don’t be disheartened. While I agree there are some terrible therapists, there are some amazing ones. This is one person’s experience, and it’s not reflective of everyone’s experience of therapy.
I also agree with the advice to see a well qualified therapist. If you choose a UKCP therapist, they have to be re-accredited every 5 years, in addition to doing masses of their own therapy, and a much longer training.
I hope you can find the support you are seeking

I think (someone will hopefully correct me if I’m wrong) you can appear of the BACP register as a qualified counsellor (to what level I’m not sure) without being accredited, so they could have very little experience. I always recommend someone finds someone accredited by the BACP because they will have had to submit supervised practice and other requirements.

The other big problem is that once counsellors are accredited with the BACP I understand they don’t have to reaccredit. This to me is risky. My own accrediting body requires a core profession, post grad qualification then accreditation to even appear on the register and then the requirement to reaccredit every year to prove supervision and further trainings are up to date and to prove safeguarding and risk training, GDPR compliance etc. There is also the possibility of ad hoc practice audit.

Without a regular requirement to submit training and supervision records it would be much easier for bad practice to slip into someone’s work and much harder for rogue counsellors (or simply very poor counsellors) to be held to account. There are no cast iron guarantees with any type of therapist but the more hoops they have to jump through to train and to maintain their “licence” the better because it does help sort the wheat from the chaff a bit.

The problem is some of the awful therapists are very well qualified, in the academic sense, that is. Lack of boundaries, oversharing, being unethical etc, are not related to academic intelligence and education level. So these therapists will be flying under the radar. It’s an absolute minefield out there.

Counsellor and Therapist are unregulated titles. Anyone can use them. Unfortunately.

I am sorry for your loss and your experience with this "counsellor". They sound like they don't know what they are doing.

I don't want to derail at all but I often see on here people uncertain about roles and qualifications in theraputic work, and I realised I was pretty unclear too. I won't post the (actually quite useful) AI explanation here - ensure if you do search you make it UK specific - but it signposted to this list on BABCP https://babcp.com/core-professions/core-professions-list/* *which lists accreditation and registration requirements.

There is more here: https://www.therapyroute.com/article/mental-health-licensing-regulation-in-the-uk-2025-guide-by-therapyroute - with useful sections on checking qualifications and red flags.

Specific information on counsellors here: https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/profquals.html -

Like others, I agree you should check out the work providers and see if they have actually checked the qualifications of the people they are using. Also, no amount of training, professional registration or vetting can rule out all the dodgy ones and often it is about finding the right fit for you in the person as well as in the theraputic method. It is absolutely fine to change if you lose trust or feel uncomfortable and any decent practitioner would recognise that. I hope you find what you need.

Still looking for a comprehensive list of what the various "levels" indicate in terms of theraputic hours and training.

@CossyBunt

I agree. You’re not safe, even from them ones. If I HAD to have therapy I would choose the academic, professional type. But you’re absolutely right in that they can be just as dangerous/problematic. It’s not just a bad egg in a profession. They’re mostly bad eggs. The good egg is the rare find.

@therapist78

It isn’t just my experience. It’s well known in mental health sectors, a lot go in to heal themselves. I wrote extensively on the subject for my dissertation and my tutor who was a clinical psychologist completely agreed with me that she wouldn’t touch the vast majority of “therapists”. Monetising other people’s distress, it just stinks to be honest.

The most important factor in therapy is the quality of the therapeutic relationship. Something that actually cannot be quantified. You can get a lot of help and support via positive friendships and people who have experienced similar traumatic events in support groups etc. The sooner people wake up and realise these “therapists” are nothing more than two bit, armchair, pop psychologists the better!

As you can see OP there is much competition in the profession. It's perfectly acceptable to ask a counsellor or psychotherapist's professional history and qualifications. And I think there has to be at least some faith on the part of the client that this particular therapist is basically benign and feels secure, even if that changes later sometimes due to the clients own insecurities surfacing, sometimes due many other reasons.

BACP therapist's have had to have done clinical work, personal therapy, and are subject to audits and must do CPD. A good therapist won't mind you asking about these. Often it is different strokes for different folks tbh. Some people love the softer side of being listened to that is often counselling. Some people want skills and CBT type sessions that perhaps a clinical psychologist can offer. But they can be limited too.

I'm glad you found her on BACP - they take their complaints quite seriously I think, like most of the professional bodies.

Some people find a therapist at least trained to masters level more helpful than the entry level 100 clinical hours that the BACP register requires. Masters level, doctoral level will have done many more hours than them. That's not to say that some of them will be wonderful. Indeed there are some analysts (these guys have done the most of all in terms of therapy and clinical hours) that are completely barking and very odd. The BPC also has it's own complaints procedures, the cases make for interesting reading. Muriel Dimen has written about dodgy psychoanalysts too.

What’s your profession @BurnoutBee? There is research out there that has sought to understand the therapeutic relationship and to measure how it affects outcomes. It was the subject my MSc many moons ago. It’s clearly vital regardless of the modality.

Get rid - this is not a professional therapist. Report her to her professional body - look her up on line and you will see her memberships.

BACP registration alone varies:
Entry level, level 4, 100 hours clinical hours, 10(?) hours personal therapy - minimum and a competency test you get Registration. If the course is accredited by BACP then you don't have to do the competency test.

BACP accredited - 450 clinical hours, and a few other requirements re supervision etc.

Anyone else like masters and doctoral level who haven't done the accreditation process can be only 'registered'.

Some masters and doctoral level therapists are registered with the BACP but haven't done the accreditation process because it's annoying, more essays, cost.

Level 7 and doctoral are eligible for senior accreditation with BACP. Whether they jump through that hoop is up to them. You can now apply to go straight to senior accreditation but cost is £800 ish

All members (registered, accredited and senior accredited) required 30 hours cpd/year - documented. Supervision at 1.5 hours a month - documented - if accredited or 'appropriate level' say one hour/month if your case load is only 6 clients. All members required to adhere to ethical framework. BACP have big training section for members on their website. Various topics.

Random audits occur every year. Have to submit above documents and appropriate insurance.

@MoreThanOnePostcardFromTheEdge ah, thanks for the clarification.

The conclusions you have drawn from the fact that many therapists have had difficulties in life, is a very particular take, and I have read much research which contradicts your dissertation, so I’ll stand by my statement. it appears you have been harmed in some way by therapy, and I’m really sorry about that.
I wonder if you think doctors and nurses are monetising physical illness? I wish therapy was free at the point of use, but sadly it’s not yet. I continue to hope it will be.

@MoreThanOnePostcardFromTheEdgethe new senior accreditation process cost me £35, as I am already equivalently accredited by UKCP.

I agree there is completion, but I’d always recommend someone accredited to a higher level, regardless of modality or membership body, as they’ll have had more of their own therapy, more supervision etc.

@therapist78

I haven’t had therapy. Like I said, I would not touch the large majority with a barge pole. Doctors and nurses are health care professionals with protected titles. The man down the street can call himself a therapist.

@YouOKHun

I don’t have one. I worked in health and social care for years, gaining a first class degree with the plan to take a postgrad in social work. Didn’t happen in the end as they required a maths GCSE which I didn’t have and as someone with dyscalculia, would have struggled. Went into HR instead to utilise my people skills and doubled my salary.

Mum was a consultant MH nurse, as is sister. Have cousins who are OTs, social workers etc. Lots of MH illness in past generations, some severe. Schizophrenia, personality disorders etc, revolving door patients. Loads of stories to tell.

I am not totally against therapy. My nan had some in her 70s after a lifetime of severe illness and psych meds. But this particular HCP/therapist was very, very well regarded, and having family members in the sector - it’s easy to gain access to a good one. The average person on the street/lay simply doesn’t have access to that. I hear more bad stories overall than good when it comes to therapy. We all know the MH sector has exploded in recent years to become a whole industry in itself.