I'm struggling and I don't know what to do

[nosmokingorvaping]

Hi, just as the thread title says really. I have name changed.

I'm autistic and perimenopausal. My husband ended things with me after 16 years, out of the blue (to me) in February, he's moved out and left me and our child. Ex has time to start a new relationship, have nights out, time off, whereas my only silver lining is that I'm cleaning up after two people instead of three now. I work full time across two jobs to fit around school. I am so burnt out.

Last week I was mostly crying. I've done a lot of crying since February but this week something's changed. On Friday morning my ex came over to take our child to school and I completely lost it, screaming and shouting, all in front of our child, half-heartedly tried to push ex down the stairs... this is completely out of character for me, I've been accommodating and calm to keep everything amicable for our child. It was horrible. I was horrible. Later that morning I messaged ex and said "I'm not coping, you're on, I'm checking into a hotel for the weekend". So he's moved back in to the house and I'm here. I can't come back from how I behaved on friday and my child deserves so much more than I can give him at the moment. I genuinely cannot think of anything to look forward to at the moment, it all feels relentless and difficult and exhausting. There's no emotion left, just this empty sadness. I don't know what I'm asking really, can someone please tell me what to do?

First of all, own what you did, because it isn’t as bad as you might think. You don’t need to end it all because you were pushed to your limits. He doesn’t have it better than you, because thank goodness you are not him.

the childcare is not forever and you will have your time all too soon. Take comfort in your children’s unconditional. You’re not horrible you’re just a normal mum

First of all the ex is a d*ckhead. He can take the child more for example.

Also be kind to yourself. Not many people behave well in the first months after a break up.

Prioritise sleep if you can

Chumplady.com if it's still around

Thank you. I am reading. I just can't stop crying. Will look up chumplady. Thank you.

Oh it's so hard. It's such a terrible loss even if the husband is a twat. Possibly harder if they're not. It can take time but it will get better.

Sounds like you’ve been bottling everything up and seeing him tipped you over the edge.
From your post it sounds like your life involved caring for your child and a man child. Although it won’t feel like it right now you may be better off without him longer term.
You have recognised that you need time out and taken some time. That was a good step.
I think you know you can’t behave like that in front of your child though.
You could go to your GP or self refer to mental health services for some Talking Therapy.
Hope you have friends or family that can help you.