Hello everyone,
I've been worried for some time about the family dynamic. My brother is in his late forties and unemployed. I have been very supportive with practical help. I pay for meals out, and spent £1.7K to take him on holidays (I thought he would contribute a bit but he didn't, and he didn't thank me. It's a lot of money for me but I thought he needed some fun).
He can be very kind so I've blinded myself to his unpleasant side. He gets wound up by remarks I make. He seems to think I am the enemy and that I feel superior to him, just because I have a job and am quite entrepreneurial (I don't earn that much but have lots of interests and know how one goes about getting a job or volunteer position to have better chances in life. Whereas he's apathetic and never follows helpful advice; I have to take days off work to take him to doctors, get paperwork, etc).
Once, he talked to me aggressively, looking quite violent, so I had to leave the situation. Recently he got wound up because I snapped at him (he'd been interrupting loudly while I was trying to sort out a problem) and he started banging cupboards and slapping himself very hard on the forehead.
He'd already self-harmed after a terrible row so I had started praising everything he did, but it seems it's never enough. In his head, I am some sort of monster. I was really shocked by the head slapping, it keeps playing in my head because he looked so unhinged and violent, and I hate the idea of him harming himself. I've decided I won't see him again and I will visit our elderly parents separately to avoid distressing them.
I miss him as we have the same sense of humour and usually text each other during the day, but I think that I have a toxic influence on him and need to keep away. I don't think he realises how helpful I have been in practical ways and he focuses on the fact I can be a bit moody or snappy (dealing with worsened PMDD during the menopause).
Does anyone have similar experience of younger siblings seeming to resent them? Is the best thing to keep away?
Thank you!